Sunday, May 1, 2011

I'm still Alive

If anyone is interested. Not sure what the fate of this blog will be though...

میٹ Matt

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Some Christmas Tune-age.



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Sunday, December 19, 2010

Well I'm Home

Well it's funny, for all the homesickness, the separation from friends and family, the yearning for familiarity, now that I'm back home I can't wait to be back in Seattle. I miss my friend's there, and I hate to say it, I'm ready to move on from quite a few friends here. I haven't seen some of my really good friends yet though, so that may be part of the problem.

Today I saw the Black Swan, and even though it was at times a bit over the top, in all I thought it an excellent film. After that I went to a jazz concert, it was the Christmas finale to the series. I'm bummed I missed all the shows but this one but it was still fun to be there. I didn't have anyone to go with, but that's typical so it wasn't too bad.

I've started to get that lonely feeling a bit more lately, especially now that Isaac is back in town. I guess I still have feelings for him, but I suppose that is to be expected.

I thought I'd really enjoy being home, but I'm realizing it's time to move on. We'll see how things go this week. I guess I've just got a touch of the blues tonight. Tom Waits doesn't really help, but I'm listening to it anyway.

I'm not sure what I want from life right now. I'll figure it out I guess.



Anyway,


Matt

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Less than a week!

Not that I'm on any regular schedule (or that anyone cares) but I'll probably be too busy to post until later this week. Finals and all that you know.

I'm only slightly scared for one at this point and that's because it's on Monday and I don't feel prepared yet. However, if I keep my nose to the grind and all that, I should be fine. Then study study study for my final two finals on Wednesday.

After that? I'm going home baby!

I'm excited to go home, and a little sad to be leaving Seattle. I mostly don't want to leave my friends here, but I know I won't be gone long, just two weeks. I'll be saying the same thing come when I come back.

Speaking of being home, guess who else is coming home? That's right, Isaac.

I should have guessed that I'd still be thinking about him, it takes me a while to get over someone once I've fallen (which takes a while to do in the first place). Well, I am alright to be around him now, but still... I have a friend who keeps asking who I want to make out with on New Years. Well, of course it would be Isaac. I don't know that it would be a good idea though. I can see myself getting my hopes up: imagining myself seeing him a few times when I get back, falling in love again just like it was in the beginning, then New Years, we kiss and seal the deal, we decide to give the long distance relationship a shot, it works, we get together on breaks whenever we can, when I finish school, we move to England, he joins the royal ballet or whatever and I get a good job, then the future.

Silly school boy fantasy of course. I can't let myself think like that, it'll only lead to unnecessary heart break. I do have someone that would be willing to be my New Years kiss, we nearly had a moment before I left, but it never happened. The only problem is, I have an on and off again attraction to him (him being Nick from forever ago, he was actually my first date with a guy before (well it hardly was a date but whatevs)). Right now, it's not really on. I'm still too caught up in Isaac to be thinking about Nick. I know I wouldn't be into Nick long term anyway, it's not that kind of connection.

Ah... I dunno. It'll be interesting going home.


As always I leave with an appeal to comments. To quote another great blogger " it really doesnt help me want to write anything when i think people dont read it. if theres one thing a blog needs to remain healthy, its comments."


Anyway, thank you you regular commenters you, you're all lovely.


I should get some sleep, getting up early to do a last round of Christmas shopping.



Goodnight all,


Matt.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Ahh... Much Better.

And from the bottom of the trough I made my slow dull trudge out and I'm on the top looking down again.

Depression gone and over with (for the most part). Took a good long walk on Saturday, just what I needed, cleared my mind and became at peace with life again.

I much prefer being like this methinks. We shall see how long I can ride this yah?

It was getting pretty bad there, to the point of someone actually noticing and asking if I was OK. I am happy to say I am now.

None of the root causes of the depression have been solved, but I'm dealing with it better for now.

Anyway, not much else to report on. I've turned in everything for this quarter and now it's just revision for finals.

OOO! I'm going home next week! I'm actually really excited about that!


Anyway,


Matt

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

My Ideal Partner

Eh, I've been in a funk folks. It's lasted for a little over a week now, but I'm on the better end of it now I think. Not out of it completely, but I'm fighting it now.

Mostly it's just stemming from loneliness. I sometimes think I'll never find someone, or at least I will have squandered my youth away and will be completely incompetent in love when I get older.

It's not like no one finds me attractive or a "good catch" as it were. There are a few guys who have expressed a serious interest in me. Unfortunately the feelings aren't necessarily reciprocated. These guys are typically older than me, while not ugly by any stretch of the imagination, are not particularly attractive to me, and are often good friends.

What am I looking for? Well, first and foremost - and I don't mean to be shallow here - I want someone who I am genuinely attracted to. That is someone I don't have to convince myself that I like the way they look, they just need to be adorable. Next, I need someone with a strong personality, someone who can be strong for me when I'm weak. I need someone who isn't quiet, who is dynamic, not passive, and who is full of life, not held back by it. They can't be a douche though. Finally, I want someone who wants me just as much. At this point, I want to be swept up, I want to be found, I want to be loved.

It's a fairly tall order, I realize this. Some days I keep the faith, others I look down the barrel of a pipe-dream aimed at my heart.

Oh well. I'll be fine once I go home. Being in an unfamiliar place for so long has actually been hard on me. Even with the wonderful people I know here, they aren't as familiar as those back home. It's amazing how much history matters.

Well, I guess that's enough rambling for today.

Just a reminder, I have switched my MSN account. rhythymchanges@hotmail.com is now the way to reach my via messenger. As always I have skype at matt-miester. Please add me if you would ever like to talk. Sometimes I'm not very fun to talk to when I'm particularly mood, I know that, but it actually helps to talk to people.


Anyway, see yah all,


Matt

Friday, November 26, 2010

Happy Belated Thanksgiving!

Howdy howdy,

Happy Thanksgiving (a day late)!

Though I didn't actually make it home to celebrate with family in Utah, I did have a wonderful thanksgiving here in Washington all the same. One turkey cooked to perfection (and defrosted in under 24 hours in an impressive battle of wills), roasties (roasted potatoes, delicious!), succotash, pies, gravy, wine, cider, wonderful! I was the token American at this feast, with a German (from Portugal originally), three Brits, an Australian, and a Korean. All in all, a fantastic meal with fantastic people.

Other than that... What else have I been up to...

Well it snowed in Seattle, like an actually impressive snowstorm. This city can't deal with snow though, let me tell you. I was driving to the airport with my friend Holly to pick up her friend. Well, we never made it to the airport. In fact it took up 8 hours to get home from a drive that should take an hour to and hour and a half in somewhat heavy traffic. We ended up sitting for about 5 hours in a jam to last a lifetime. It was pretty pathetic.

I have been fairly depressed lately though, not today or yesterday for the most part but this past week hasn't been that great. It's more a generalized depression, up and downs and such. I've been lonely and wanting a relationship and that coupled on not being able to go home for the holidays and having snow and everything just wasn't a good combination.

Whelp, I should get started on some homework now, the house is pretty empty these days which is nice, come Sunday when everyone gets back from whence they went it'll liven up around here.

Thanks to Steve for being the sole commenter on my last post.



Matt