Auld Lang Syne

So Christmas has passed. It was alright, can't complain. I did get one wonderful christmas surprise gift, a nice umbrella with a curved handle and the cane tip, ah I've always wanted one! I didn't even ask for it.

What else have I been up to...

Boston Legal. I just have to say I love that show. I'm just finishing up the fourth season, and the episode I watched last night was superb, I was leaking water all over the place.

Well to be fair I was already emotional. You see I started getting very nostalgic last night, and I really got to missing high school. I'm very fortunate to have made some wonderful memories for myself back then. I will always remember my solo sojourns to the store down the street at lunch and returning with a sandwich and a new kind of apple I had never tried. I would walk in the sparkling sun, yes it did sparkle in the spring, a beautiful view of Mt. Olympus before me, and I remember knowing at the time that I was extremely happy with my life in those moments.

I was playing a lot of old songs that I haven't played in a very long time last night, that was the catalyst. Rocky Mountain High, He Ain't Heavy (He's My Brother), Cripple Creek, Amazing Grace, songs from an era in my life that will always be a happy place in my mind.

I got to thinking about all my friends, and which ones have stuck with me all the way and which ones were truly the best. To be honest, there have never been a lot of people I've been truly close to, but I can say one of the very closest friends I hold near and dear is our very own Dan.

I desperately needed the stars last night, so I took a drive. You see we are surrounded by mountains here and in the winter they have a nasty habit of holding in all the pollution from the valley. So I drove to get above all that. It was a lovely drive up and down several canyons that dot the valley. A very good time to be had.

I have to say, this is turning into a New Year's Eve post, oh well, being a little early never hurt anyone.

This year, 2009, has been one of the biggest in my life. I cannot imagine where I would be had this year not occurred the way it did.

I met all of you wonderful people in the Spring of this year.

I've taken several solo Road trips that have refreshed the soul and cleared my mind.

I have been hired by a job, and subsequently quit that job.

I have made up with old friends, and made wonderful, fabulous, unfathomably awesome new friends.

I had the summer of a lifetime.

I have had sex, alcohol, rock and roll and Life.

I am now a living person, who is graciously flawed.


I am,


Matt

Ahh...

Sorry if the last post seemed a bit frantic. It sucked, but I got a B in the class anyway (lowest grade of College so far!), so between that and my two other grades posted (still missing two, and the other two grades are an A and A-), I'm feeling pretty good about this semester.

Now I'm on break.

Not feeling up to it tonight, but later I'll post more.

For now, it's Boston Legal time!


Matt

Fuck fuck fuck

I hate this semester, it's been from hell.

Top it all off with the clusterfuck of a situation.

My paper isn't due this upcoming Monday like I thought, it's due three days ago.

Fuck fuck fuck.

And me like an oblivious idiot sends an email to my professor before I realize this asking if we can meet tomorrow to go over revisions. She sends an email back:

"Everyone turned their papers in on Monday. I have to have your paper tomorrow, bring me what you have."

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck sdafjkjsdfjkasdf;agnaeribaewfamiodfmkl;asd;agjiawegkafgajsdfajsdgasdgajkhsdfasd!@!@!@!@#!!@!!@!@!!@@!@!!@


I'm gonna go finish that goddamn paper and then cry myself to sleep.


Fuck,


Matt

Holy Hell! Two posts not Weeks Away!

What's wrong with me?!

Well procrastinating a paper is part of the reason.

Also, Rufus Wainwright is my musical discovery of the week and I have no idea why I didn't know about him before. Good lord, wonderful musician. Good god I'm so gay... haha.


Yesterday I participated on a panel for a conference put on by the Pride Center for and about transgendered people called "Un(Packing) Gender." You see the month of November is Transgendered awareness month, celebrating the "T" in LGBT.

For those who don't know, Transgendered is when a persons gender does not match up with their biological sex and so they live out the gender that they feel more aligns with themselves. This means dressing and acting the part of the gender they chose and in some cases having surgery performed and undergoing hormone therapy to get their physical bodies in line.

So with that background in place, what is the opposite of transgendered?

Cis-gender

This brings me back to the panel, which was entitled "Ask a Cis-gendered Person." I was one of those panelists who's gender has generally matched their sex. That is to say, I identify with being a man and have the physical sex of being one (replace man with woman for the ladies out there).

Being Cis-gendered carries a lot of privilege with it. For instance, you don't ever have to worry about what pronoun people will use for you ("he" "she"), it is generally assumed.

I was asked some questions about things I've never considered before. I would like to now open some of these questions up to you all, dear readers, to consider and answer, if you would like.


When did you first realize you were Cis-gendered? How did your friends and family react?

What do you like best about your gender?

Have you ever been confused for being the other gender? How did that make you feel?

Do you feel you have to overcompensate for any perceived lack of gender appropriate clothing? (i.e. if you don't dress masculine enough do you have to act more masculine?)



Just some food for though. Let's not forget the transgendered people in our community. They exist, they can be gay straight bi or queer as well, and they are often thrown under the bus when it comes to civil rights.


Have a good week ya'll,


Matt

This Song Has No Title

Well I'm back again.

I don't really know why I'm posting today but I am.


SO! What's new? Not much really to be honest. I'm just in survival mode at school getting through it all. Not that I'm having a great difficulty with it, but I just haven't been going on wild fantabulous adventures as of late.

Well here's something, I may be going on the wildest most fantabulous adventure of my life next year. You see my school is a part of a National Exchange Program that essentially allows students to go to another school for a semester or a year for in state tuition (i.e. Cheaply).

I recently met with the coordinator for the program. My ideal school, University of Washington is quite popular, and as such, they only take one or two people from my school every year. So the way my coordinator decides is based on who gets their application in first. No one has turned in an application yet, so if I turn one in first thing next week, I have a pretty good shot. However, the chance that it won't happen means that I have to pick some alternative schools.

One alternative that quite impressed me was St. Mary's College of Maryland. A nice private school, very open and accepting and academically it looks pretty sound. In addition to that, I'm also looking at the University of Minnesota, Twin Cities Campus, as it's like top 3 in the nation for LGBT friendly schools. I'm looking at several others (Hawaii is on the list as well, and apparently pretty easy to get into) but UW is my first choice.

Oh yeah, I chose a major finally. It's History! Hooray history! Also, as I'm pretty much done with general education requirements after this semester ends, I will be able to launch right into my major requirements. And before you ask, I won't be specializing in any particular type of history yet. That's for graduate school.

Umm... let's see...

Relationship status: stagnant as usual. Same reasons as before. Not too worried either.

Well, I've got to go work on a paper, so I'll see y'alls later.


Peace yo.


Matt

What do you want from me?

Ok, so I haven't posted in like 2 weeks.

And ok, I haven't been really reading too many blogs for longer than that...

But I've been busy ok?

Here's a laundry list of my activities since I last posted:

School: including reading, writing, and classes

Work: which has its ups and downs, but mostly downs.

Having sex: well... ok only once really... and I'm not really interested in the guy in a romantic sense...

Ok I guess I have to talk about that one in a bit more detail.

So like the week after I posted last was Fall Break, and some friends from the center and I went up to some local hot springs about an hour an a half away to camp out and then head home the next day. Well, one thing led to another and I ended up having sex with one of the guys that night. I'm not going to go into details, but suffice to say it was fun (ok fine pervs, I bottomed). The thing is so, I feel a bit guilty about the whole affair. I don't feel an attraction to the guy beyond the physical, and even that's not that great. Basically what happened was this: He was horny, I was wiling, there we go. I've basically gone on as if nothing happened. It hasn't been awkward, which is nice, but I'm just hoping he wasn't expecting anything more than what it was.

So yeah.

What else have I been up to?

Well... some more stuff I'm not exactly proud of, well, damnit, I had fun so it was worth it. I suppose I should let you in on this. I've been partying it up a bit lately, complete with drinking a bit. I have discovered that gin is my drink of choice though. The weekend before Halloween I went to a party and got quite smashed, I remember everything that happened, and I didn't get a hangover, but I'm not going to drink that much in the future. On the one hand I wonder if I'm compromising my values by drinking before I'm technically (read: legally) able to drink, but other the other hand I'm having fun and actually enjoying being young and stupid. I am careful though, and quite responsible, so don't worry too much.


Oh so I guess I should update you all on the Nick situation. We went on a second date, saw Zombieland and had sushi afterward. It was fun. Since then we haven't gone out and again, and things are pretty stagnant. At this point I'm too busy to care. My philosophy from here on out with him is this: If he wants me he can come get me, otherwise I'm moving on. I'm ok with this outcome, apparently he's a bit of a "butterfly" as a friend of mine put it, his interests floating from guy to guy constantly. So it goes.

On the other hand, I've been doing something new on Monday nights. My university has a group called "QSU" (Queer Student Union) that has meetings on Monday nights, and then coffee after that. I've been going for a few weeks now. I know many of those that go from the center so it's less awkward that way, in fact it's really fun and I look forward to it every week now. Through coffee I've solidified some friendships and made some new ones. It's feels great to be in a group of queers and just have a good time. Also, there's a guy there, Wyatt. He started going to QSU about the same time I did, and he's really cute and actually my age. I need to get to know him better I think. ;)

Whew... what else...

Went to the Rocky Horror Picture Show on Halloween at midnight. Fun stuff. If you get the chance go. I was anally raped by hundreds of people along with about 40 other people. We're no longer virgins. :D

Yeah other than that, lotta stuff in between all this but I can't remember it all right now. Suffice to say, I'm alive, been having a good time with life, and I'm going to try to be better about updating but no guarantees.

Well, I'm out of words.

No I'm not.

Happy birthday Landyn!!!

I feel really bad for missing the boat on his special secret blog, but I'm going to say something here just because I can, even if I already told him.


Landyn, you are awesome. You are made of awesome, which is a rare substance indeed. It took me a while to finally meet you, but when I did, it was worth it. I know I have a tendency to ramble, but I know you don't mind. Haha, what to say that hasn't been said already? Lemon Currey? No, those aren't the right words... Particulate matter? Damn, not right either... Well... You are beyond words, so I'll stop trying. I hope you have a wonderful birthday, you've made it this far, no small feat. You will make it much further. I only can hope that one of your future years brings your path across mine and that we can share a bite to eat or something. Me and everyone else I know. Ah well. Enjoy this day, you've earned it.

Ok that's really all. I've got work to do. So I'll see you when I see you.



The one who almost got away,


Matt

National Coming Out Day!

Alright everyone, in honor of National Coming Out Day please leave a comment filling in the following blank:

National Coming Out Day: Because closets are for ________.


It'll be fun, trust me!


My answer, because it's the most obvious one,

National Coming Out Day: Because closets are for clothes.



Try it out everyone, be creative and unique!



Being out is fun,


Matt