Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Never Sit in the Balcony


Saw Miss Saigon for what will be my final time (total of three). My advice to everyone who may see a show some day, pay for good seats don't settle for the balcony. I just felt very detached from the show. Not much emotion.

Strangely enough that's how I'm feeling now. I dunno what's wrong but I'm just not interested in boys or girls. My post earlier, eh I dunno I didn't really feel it. I'm worried that I've given up hope without even really trying. I was going to come out to two friends today. Determined I would do it. Didn't happen. These things are hard to bring up in conversation! Even then I just didn't feel like it. I don't know how to explain.

What I need, is for someone to swoop down and rescue me from this bourgeois oppression and let me feel love again. God there's a feeling I really miss. Head over heals I'm in love what a wonderful day. Where's my knight? Better come quick.

I'll snap out of this by the morning, but man, I don't like it.

7 comments:

  1. haha bourgeois oppression
    ur a marxist eh?
    no that's cool, and you're right... there is a sort of silent oppression that takes place against sexual minorities. the bourgeois, or i suppose others have called them the masses, definetely do assert a system of sexual norms upon us that snuff our attempts at relational and sexual authenticity.

    i'm with you man what i really want is to feel that love.

    as far as your not liking boys or girls... sometimes i think that, but usually i wake up in the morning and walk past a cute guy on the way to class and I'm back to being gay... or... if that doesn't work, being in close quarters with a crush will do it.

    i dunno, maybe that's not ur experience, which is cool too.

    hang in there. I'm trying to come out to people as well, and well, it's hard.

    peace bud

    jordo

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  2. Haha what I mean by bourgeois oppression is just that my problems aren't really that serious when taken into the grand scheme of things. I'm not starving, I've not suffered many a great tragedies (hell i've never been to a funeral before). The problems I have are those of Middle Class America, perhaps a bit different because of the whole gay thing, but that's not the point.

    Haha yeah tomorrow I'll probably right there with you going "ooh he's cute", as for a crush, like a serious one, I haven't had one in a while either.

    Thanks for your words, that's all we've got in this world.

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  3. Oh and I'm no marxist. Just not a capitalist either ;) That new system is out there, someone just needs to invent it already.

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  4. careful, the wrong person reads this blog and we'll have another red scare ;)

    But i do understand what you're talking about. At least with the love part. I think most people who are single feel that way from time to time. But i'm with you... I want my prince charming haha

    coming out can be tricky. I havent had the courage (ha! my name! hahaha) to come out to any friends yet except one. It will happen when you're ready for it to happen, so dont feel like you should rush it.

    And as far as the whole balcony thing goes...be happy you have a theatre by you. I get no good shows by me. But last summer I played drums for a theatre group while they promoted that show. They hosted different events where they would sing so I played this gala event. Basically I got dressed up in a tux, ate fancy food and played "The heat is on" and went home haha. good times.

    Sorry this comment pretty much sucks. But like Jordan said, keep your head up. You'll find someone.

    Good luck on your final, hopefully talk to you soon =)

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  5. Coming out isn't something that comes up in conversation on its own.

    "Hey, Bob, did you watch 24 last night?"

    "No, I missed it. By the way, have I mentioned that I want a guy to fuck me in the ass and cum all over my face?"

    "No, you hadn't! Neat! Gonna watch American Idol tonight? Who do you think will win this year?"

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  6. coming out is a slow and agonizing process for me. i am currently stuck. i am out to 2 people, and that just isn't gonna cut it. my family are gonna be a tough nut to crack, and my friends won't be easy either. sometimes i wish i would just be outed, and save myself the agony of having to tell the ones i care about that i've been lying to them about who i am. i wonder if i will ever find someone to love who will love me back (i am in love, but he thinks i'm straight, and he has a girlfriend). hang in there buddy.

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  7. @Courage - Yay! Thanks for commenting anyway. I think I'm spoiled when it comes to the theater, I have season tickets on Row C (third row) and so sitting way in the very back of the balcony just doesn't cut it anymore. I wish I got to wear a tux more often, that was the best part of prom, getting dressed up (well and driving my girlfriend at the time's dad's jaguar).

    @Mr. HCl - Haha I know it doesn,'t I wish it did though, it would make things easier.

    @Deadwing - Ugh yeah I would love to just be outed, confirming if people ask you seems a hell of a lot easier than bringing it up yourself.


    Miscellaneous though: On coming out, I'm toying with the idea of setting my birthday (July 31st) as the deadline for being completely out. I just feel like I've wasted so much time not being who I wanted to and so I don't want to waste another year. Haha we'll see if I go through with it.

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