Thursday, April 30, 2009

Oh Sweet Baby Jesus Herman Christ It's done!

That's an odd doodle.


I cannot express with words how happy I am to be finished with that goddamn paper. It's been haunting me for days.

In other news, I think I may have come down with something because when I breath in real deep it hurts a bit. I hope it's not pneumonia because I've had that before. No fun.

Went to help teach at a different elementary school today, 4th grade and opposed to 1st grade. Let's just say I prefer 1st graders. Oh well.

Just a few more finals and I'm done with school! I'll just need to find a job after that.... Damn....

Oh and I saw Miss Saigon last night. I didn't like the ending. I'll be seeing it again Saturday so maybe I'll get a different perspective.

Ok, that's all I got. Have a nice day yah'hear?
Woke up this morning, went running up a mountain. Lots of fun.

Took a shower. Shampoo bottle got to excited with my naked body touching it that it just jizzed in my hands. Rubbed it in my hair, now it's soft.

Haha what a morning.

Back to paper writing.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Almost there!

Well I had a really good day. Nothing particularly great happened I was just really happy all day.

Still working on a stupid final paper. I'll worry about it in the morning.

I'm going to bed now.


Haha wow this was pointless.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Walking Under Power Poles

Especially with the threat of a storm on the horizon approaching quickly I realize is not the smartest thing to do.

Neither is being selfish when a friend is in need.

For those who haven't gotten here through Dan (I don't think that's anyone) and for those that already know him, he probably needs the love I asked for at the end of my last post. So go show him some.

So Here's Where I Am

Hate to say it, but this one is probably going to be long.

So here's where I am at my life right now, broken down into several parts: bisexuality and relationships, personal philosophy, overall happiness, and whatever else I want to throw into the end.

So let's start at bisexuality. I recognize it in myself, yet can't come to terms with it. To be quite honest I would much rather be gay. Here are two cases to illustrate what I'm feeling. Haha both of them happen to be from the same class, go figure. So in my biology class, there is this really cute boy. I can't help but look in class and steal glances whenever I can. It's almost an animal magnetism, and there are more boys that do that too me as well. That's all well and good and I'm fine with that. I've pretty much always liked boys. However, there are some girls that I feel that same animal attraction with, albiet there are much fewer of them. When I say animal attraction, I really mean I just want to be close to them and to touch them and to have them for my own. Ok so with that in mind, I realized, or rather re-realized, this week that I am without much doubt, bisexual. I still don't like this though. I'm not sure why I don't. Maybe it's because I've spent a good deal of my life wishing I fit in (especially growing up non-mormon in a predominately mormon state). It's not like i'm osteracized, it's just I can't relate in a lot of ways. Well, I feel the same way about bisexuality I guess. There isn't the big of a community where I live that I know about and so it's really hard to relate to other people. I mean one of my friends is bi, but she's a girl. It's different, or at least it is in my mind (it probably isn't though and I should talk to her more). So I'm still feeling conflicted there.


Ok ready for a breather, I know I am. So here's a cute boy.



Ok, now that you've enjoyed that. Now comes relationships. I'm not very good in this area. I have trouble establishing lasting relationships. Example. I'll meet people in class, talk with them laugh with them have good times. Then when class is over, I'll not really ever talk to them again. Or I don't think I've ever gone and hung out with someone from class. The friendships I have now, I've had for a long time. This gets to be a problem when friends start going their own ways. The relationships that I want/need are the romantic kinds and in that area I'm hopelessly lost. This is where the bisexual thing comes out again. First of all I don't know where to meet men, and second, I say I like options, but I don't really. What I mean is, I would much rather find all girls icky and never want to have any sort of romantic relationship with them. That way I could concentrate on finding guys. That's what I really want to do right now is look for a nice guy, but these damn girls keep coming into my life and start confusing me all over again. In short I don't know what I want but I want it now.


Another breather? Maybe I shouldn't have done this all at once...




Ok so I think I'll just skip my personal philosophy stuff because I know many people aren't really interested in that. It's really just a product of my thinking too much which leads to internal conflicts that I can generally resolve given some time. So I won't bother you with the details of that.

Overall despite all of this. Well I don't know that I would say I'm happy all the time, but I certainly experience moments of joy. Last night being a prime example. Went and saw John Schofield, a jazz/blues guitarist. One of the best concerts of my life. I was just so in the moment, it was great. I felt really happy then. Gardening I feel really happy doing as well. When I'm doing that my mind is busy and I have a good goal to focus on. When a stranger smiles at me, I feel joy in those moments. In seeing a friend I find happiness. The happiness is there and depending on the occasion, the joy carries on for a little while after. But it fades, and I start thinking again, and wrestling with everything and life becomes this struggle again where I feel I longing that I can't identify. I just do not know.


Oh well, that's life. Or at least that's what all the people say. I can be riding high one moment shot down the next. We'll see if I let it get me down.



In other news. I have a new follower! Whoo. I'm now up to two (official followers that is). If there is one thing I could use in my life right now though, it's some love and attention. So spare a minute and give me one of life's joyous moments.


Ok I'm sorry that was so long. I guess I'll give you one last reward.

Monday, April 27, 2009

AHH!

Ahh!


No time to breath! Busy busy busy!


Ahh!

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Soon I'll be Making Another Run




Wow I'm tired.


<----- WTF? Why do I keep listening to the theme song from a show that I've never seen before?! I'ma gonna make a better post soon.

DailyDoodle------>
















Friday, April 24, 2009

Yawn


Well, finally went and did it. I got a haircut. I don't think I've cut it for over six months. I usually keep my hair fairly short, and so it was getting ruther long. It's short now. Hoorays.


I'm tired. Long week. Next week is the end of classes and the beginning of finals. Whoo boy.

I'm going to miss some of my classes this semester. Scratch that, I'm going to miss some of the cute boys from my classes this semester. Oh well, there'll be more.

Whoo boy, I think my parents are a bit wasted upstairs, their friend came over. She's interesting, she's younger than them and very... loud let's say. Her and her husband have a cute son, but he's too young, so yeah...

Ummm... I'm tired. G'night.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Never From Concentrate


AARGH!!!

Why can't I concentrate!? Just one more stupid paper then I'm practically done with school for the semester and I can't seem to write it!

GAH!

That is all.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

I Need to Get Out More

Don't mind the doodle. Just an odd drawing I did in class last semester, I did a lot. Maybe I'll showcase the off here haha.



Man, I hate being bored.

Just sitting in my room currently, trying to figure out something to do. I need to do homework, but I'm not going to.

I just need to get out more, connect with more people. Get some more friends, do stuff. I don't know where to meet people though. I find it really hard be outgoing and just be forward with people.

Ugh, I just wish all the cute boys would come and talk to me so I didn't have to make the first move. Haha, I'm such a girl when it comes to relationships, I don't want to do all the work, I need to be called and pestered to be with. When I feel like I'm doing all the work in any relationship (be it romantic or friendly) I don't like that and I get a little pissed. Maybe it's just the entitlement my generation is used to.

In other news, 40 first graders outside working in a garden = the most fun pandemonium you can imagine. I went to a local school today with a few classmates to teach the kids about gardening, it's the 3rd time we've been there. It's really fun and the kids are way cool.

I should probably be stressing more about school right now but I just can't seem to be bothered. Haha I'll be fine though, I usually am.

I need to find a job for the summer. I really just don't know where to look though. Ugh.

Been thinking about coming out a lot lately, but that's usually always on my mind anyway. Been looking up resource centers, it's not like I need counseling, I just don't know where else to look for boys lol!

Oh well, I think I'm going to go now. kthxbi!

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Had a bit of interesting experience this morning.

In my first class we were talking about Freud and I finally understood his concept of how civilization is just the ego of society but that it causes all the problems it seeks to fix. It seemed leave no room for improvement on the human condition. I don't like that.

So I left feeling uneasy already,and then go to my next class Science and Politics (it's a philosophy class) we were talking about sex education and how to do it right and I finally realized that we can't. Just plain can't. And I started thinking about all the other problems in the world and realized that all the morally correct answers will get us no where and every solution that could get us somewhere sacrifices our humanity and so basically that's all i could focus on for the rest of class couldn't think of anything else. It was like paralysis for the mind.

I kept thinking that I was in the wrong place, I shouldn't be here, in this classroom. I should be out in the world figuring out what the most important problems are and how to fix them, or just zoning out for a while.

So I took Candide's advice and tended to a garden.

I think I've just stowed away all of that crap in the back of my mind, and now it's lurking...

I was talking with a friend back a couple of months ago on a particularly foggy night. We were discussing society and it seems that you must escape reality for a time to really live, and yet you can't escape because it forces you into submission. Kinda the Freud thing all over again...

Some days I just want to go. No plan, just go and do whatever the hell I want. Go to Mexico, just live on the beach or something, escape. I don't think I could do it alone though.

Anyone who wants to go on a crazy adventure that you just give an indeterminate part of your life (possibly all of it) to apply here!


I'm gonna go tune out to some Dark Side of the Moon now, gain a little perspective.

I'll talk about my great fear of time sometime else.


Matt





p.s. I started a new blog for my academic/political writings. It's here.

Monday, April 20, 2009

Sunshine on My Shoulders makes me sweat O.o!

It's finally good weather round these parts. Almost too good. I sweat a lot. And I don't like wearing shoes too much, so I didn't. Hmm...

Sorry for the randomness, just spitting out thoughts instead of reading for school.

Thanks again to anyone who has linked me (AJ, Jordan). Now I have pressure to write for an audience, yikes. Well I really won't be writing any differently to be honest, but now I get comments! Yay comments! They are what make this worth while I think because it establishes dialogue.

That's the problem with art in today's world, it's all consumer based. Well much of it at least. If you look at a piece of art and think to yourself what pretty colors, think no more on it, and move on; or if you listen to a piece of music and think, what pretty notes, move on and never think about it again; or see a movie and think, wow that was good, and move on with your life; you are consuming art. Not that consuming it is always wrong, some art is meant to be consumed. However what makes almost anything art, is its ability to make you think. To engage in a dialogue with the artist even when they are dead and gone is a marvelous thing that can be achieved through art.

Case in two points: John Cage's 4'33" and the "White Paintings" of Robert Rauschenberg.

Cage's piece is 4 mintues and 33 seconds of silence in which the only musical notation is "tacet" which instructs the musician to remain silent.
Rauschenberg's White painting are a series of canvases painted as completely and evenly white as possible.

To the consumers these types of exhibitions elicit responses of "I paid twenty bucks to see this crap?!" This is partly what the artists wanted and partly a sad commentary on the consumerism of art in the world today. Both pieces are "minimalist" in the loosest sense of the word but they both serve the same purpose: to be hypersentive canvases conveying the noise and light of the surronding conditions. Or they are just crap.

The point is, peices like 4'33" and the white paintings challenge our brains to think. What a concept! We can no longer sit by and let art pass over us, we must wrestle with it, pin it to the ground, and either give it a big sloppy kiss (acceptance) or spit in its face (rejection). The point is in the struggle to understand!

Now where was I going with this? Oh right. Comments! Haha long way of getting here but this is the point: Comments are a way to avoid consuming these blogs and a way of reaching out and interacting with people. Think about what you read!

So I'll try to leave comments when I can, and I encourage all you (including you lurkers) to speak up if you've got something to say.



Ok wow, I did not mean to get off on that tangent, but there you go.





And if that was too long for you to read, that's ok too.
Here have a picture of a cute boy!

Sunday, April 19, 2009

I'm Breaking Out. (one tiny piece at a time)

First of all, thanks to Mboy for the link and the shout out. I'm getting used to this new world, it's like getting used to a group of new people anywhere else, I start by looking and listening and not saying much and as I get more comfortable I start to come on out to play.

So yeah, email me or whatever. Like I said (or didn't I don't remember) I'm kinda shy so pull me out of my world and bring me into yours, I like to travel. :)


In other news, and in the words of Neil Young, "I almost cut my hair today," but the barbershop closed before I got there. It's getting ruther long and I kinda want to keep growing it but I'm going to be in a movie so I gotsta get it cut. Oh and don't expect to see me in a movie on the big screen it's just a little class project. So yeah I have to get it cut tomorrow cause I said I'd get it cut last week. I've been busy ok? So yeah.

I need to fall in love again, it's been too long and I really miss it. Despite all the hell of being in love, there's nothing else like it. Now I just need to find a nice boy... I think I'm done with girls for a while. A nice boy like him -v-

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Quick Update

So the concert was ok, but here's the story I want to tell.

So driving home I stop at a light and the most gorgeous boy i've seen in a long time. Blonde boy in white shirt in a white mustang. My heart skipped a few beats and I did my usual look away real quick before he sees me looking at him. But I think he was doing the same thing.

Light turned he pulled out first and I saw him look over twice. So I tried to follow cause he was going my way but got stuck at a left turn.

Life's not fair sometimes, gives a cute boy for all of forty seconds and poof, he's gone.

Oh well

Trees for Happiness


So this morning I got up nice and early and went out to plant trees. There's just something about good hard work that makes a body happy.

Yesterday's post, ignore it, I was just tired. Quite tired. When I said dirty I meant physically dirt on my body, I dunno, probably could have just washed my hands and felt clean. Whatever

I'm listening to NPR right now, great programming makes me happy. I'm happy today, hooray! I enjoy being happy quite a bit, and I generally am quite happy.

I'm going to a Jazz concert tonight. Dave Compton Quartet, I think it will be really good. Maybe someone will go with me, maybe not, I don't really care. Well... It would be nice to have someone with me, but if I don't get a companion I won't be too down.

I feel like going to the Symphony again too. Maybe that will be later.


Ok I'm done,


Matt

Friday, April 17, 2009

Ugh

Ugh.


I'm tired.

I feel dirty, but I've been taking too many showers lately as it is.

I feel alone, I need new friends that stick around and don't leave.

I need to get out of the house.



I need to make a better post but this will have to do.



Matt

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

For Dan

Today is a very dear friend of mine's birthday. Dan (of DailyDan) I have know since... god I don't even know, it has to be at least 2 years. Weird to think it's been that long. We met through some now long defunct website and I remember at first never really talking to him. You know those internet people who add who and then you never really talk to them. Well I don't know I guess one day we started talking and I've never looked back.

Dan you are my rock in this crazy world. You are the one person I can tell everything to and not feel embarrassed about it. Dan has been there through all of Marie, through all of my boy crushes, through all of my weird moods depressed moods hyper moods you name it. He's always there too. I get bent out of shape when we don't talk for a few days. Whenever I hear Fleetwood Mac I think of him. Whenever someone says whore I think of him. Hell whenever I see a cute boy I think "I wish Dan could see him."

Now you're 18 buddy. Out of your short time in consciousness I'm honored to have shared at least some of it with you.

Dan I don't know what I would do without you (and you'd better damn well not put me in that situation). Simply put, I love you.... whore.


Hope you've had a really great birthday,


Matt

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Lounge Pants are awesome!



Man I've been listening to a lot of Jazz singers lately (Billie Holiday, Ella Fitzgerald, Ole Blue Eyes, Lena Horne, Sarah Vaugh, etc.). Don't know why, just enjoying them. Oh and I'm in pajama pants, and it's not bed time! Crazy I know.

Been an interesting day. This morning got up and went to breakfast with the intent of finishing my reading on Freud (Dream analysis stuff) and I almost did, but I was distracted towards the end of breakfast and I wish I had given myself more time. First a little background.

So I'm in this class called Global Environmental Issues. It's an awesome class, I love it (I love all my classes this semester (I love college! LIMH (laughing inside my head))). Woah, parenthetical madness. Anyhow, I think I mentioned it before but it's a service learning class, which means in addition to the academic portion of the class we have to fufill a service hour requirement. So I've been teaching first-graders about gardening, planting trees, and working in the gardens we have on campus. Well these past two Sundays I have been shovelling a lot of manure into a truck and then unloading it (basically we have to move it from one garden to another). Fascinating I know. The girl who owns the truck though, well let's just say she's solidly attractive. She's nice too. I think I'm starting to feel something there, nothing great yet but I feel the start of it. Her name is Tony, I think... which is odd to begin with but I haven't heard it clearly yet so who knows.

Right, breakfast. So this morning I was having breakfast and I look back and who should I see but Tony, and what does she do? She asks if she could sit next to me. Mind you all, this doesn't happen to me, at all. So I was pretty excited. Unfortunately I didn't have too much time to sit and talk, which sucked, but it was nice, and a start. If at the very least I get a new friend I'll be happy because to be honest the only friends I have now are ones that I got in highschool.

Sorry this is running a bit long. The rest of the day has been alright, class was good, conference this friday is going to be a big stresser this week but I'm not going to worry about it anymore today. I'll probably post about it later this week.

Oh by the way, I've decided to join Blog Everyday in April late, so expect a post everyday until the end of April. Fun!

Ok, back to more reading... oh so many words!


Matt

Monday, April 13, 2009

Quick Update


Hey ya'lls.

Quick update, because I have stuff to do, not to appease you Dan :P

Busy day, but it was gorgeous weather out. So I was able to sit on the old quad and read some stuff on NCLB act.

I have a conference that my class and I are putting on this Friday and getting things ready for that has been crazy! One of my classmates got the day wrong so there's been that minor calamity to deal with.

Umm... Cute boys were out today as usual. I s'pose I'll tell you all about the boys that I follow maybe tomorrow (and by follow not in a stalkerish way, but boys that consistently get my attention (and maybe I'll throw a girl or two in O_o)).

Well I've got to go read some Freud. Damn college keeps you busy!


Peace and love and all things tasty,


Matt

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Beautiful Day


Woke up and the sun was shining. Always a good sign. Read the paper, got plenty of lulz from the funnies. Played with my cat, I enjoy my cat. Kim is his name, Dave for short. We found him in a BBQ one new year's eve.

I'm going to go gardening later. It's for a service learning class which basically adds service hours to school work. I quite enjoy the work though, and today will be great given that the sun is shining and what have you.

Oh it's also Easter, whadda you know? I'm going up to the G-parent's house after gardening. That ought to be fun. I like my extended family when they get together, plenty of enjoyment to be had.

Umm... so sorry for the really emo-type posts this weekend, serves me right for writing at night with Billie Holiday playing. For those of you who don't know Billie Holiday, she's a jazz/blues singer that is simply amazing, her voice is, well haunting is a good word for it.

I get weird at night too. Does that happen to anyone else? I get really pensive and I think too much and feel much more emotional. I used to promise myself I wouldn't write creative peices at night because I would find out the next day that they are total crap. I guess the same goes with song writing now. Oh yeah, I write songs.

I think I'm going to keep my posts shorter from here on out. I've been told by the one person who reads them, that they're boring.

So that's all.


Matt

Saturday, April 11, 2009

Tired of Being Alone



It's not really news, nor groundbreaking or profound, but I'm tired of being alone. This whole weekend I've just really wanted a hug. Haven't gotten it yet, probably won't. *sigh* Story of my life.

There's actually a party I could be at tonight. Not sure why I'm not there. Probably because I have no one to go with, even though it's a birthday party for one of my friends, and I'll probably know some people there, and by know I mean have at least met once. Where am I though? At home, typing words into the internet, words that probably won't ever get a response. Why am I here? To be honest, fear. Irrational fear I know, unfounded fear, but fear nonetheless. Stupid thing is, is that I told myself earlier this week that I was going, no matter what. Well, I'm not very good at keeping promises, even to myself.

I'm a weird person. I live in my own little world until I get pulled out of it, then I'm as sociable as can be. Laughing and being witty and a great conversationalist. Try to pull it back into intimacy and I retreat again.

I suppose this is a good place to tell y'alls (read: Dan (if even him)) about my first and only girlfriend. I guess it all started when I got my first job at a theater selling concessions (still working there, it's a great place). A few of my friends were working there and I got a job as well. That's where I met Marie (not her real name but whatever). She was pretty and nice. Needless to say I liked working with her. Well nothing really happened until a few months down the line she asked me out (yeah, bad sign there, man I'm pathetic). It was a fun first date, we went to this "coffee shop" deal her school did, sort of a talent show/open mic (minus the mic) with coffee. She knew people I didn't, as a result I said kinda quiet.

Then I went to San Fran on vacation, which was a fantastic trip. Loved it so much. When I wasn't taking in the sights though, I was texting with Marie, and that was a lot. We planned our next date: a picnic on the front lawn in front of the theater before work. I picked up some sandwhiches and she brought some sides. I brought my guitar and played a few numbers. Now mind you, I don't play for other people often, and this was back before I played for hardly anyone at all. Point being, it was a big deal. I ended on "Your Song" by Elton John. It was a good note to end on.

So we kept hanging out. After one time of hanging at my friend Adam's house, we all took her home. I walked her to her front porch, and my friends drove away, to give us privacy. Well, before anyone gets ahead of themselves, I chickened out on a kiss. Went for a hug, she was ready for a kiss. So, the next time we worked together she gave me a ride to work. When she drove me home she walked me to my porch. After much small talk we finally kissed for the first time, my first time ever. It was nice, I didn't know what to expect and I was quite worried up to that point, but it went fine.

I'll take the time here to note that she and I are quite similar people. Same taste in music, same philosophical views. We were, and still probably are, a pretty good match, but that didn't matter when it ended.

Back to the story at hand. More dates and what have you, we declared it official, and I was on top of the world. She's a dancer (yeah I know, I really was out of my league). I went to her dance recitals, brought her flowers. She went to my plays (I did a fair bit of Drama in Highschool) and brought me flowers. She asked me to her prom, I said yes. We went, had fun. I did the most dirty dancing I've ever done, to be quite honest I'm not a fan. Got to drive her Dad's Jaguar to and from prom, that was awesome.

Time gets muddled at this point in our history, but I do remember one distinct incident. I was driving her home from a movie or something and before we got to her house she had me pull over and turn the lights out. She asked if my seat reclined, it did. Let me tell you, if you've never made out in the driver's seat of a car, it's an experience that comes highly recommended by me.

Well time went on, she graduated. I graduated. Both great events. We baked cookies together. We went to some movies. Summer came quick and I went off to the Carribean on cruise with my friends. Simply amazing. She didn't let me enjoy it to my full potential though. I was still crazy about her, and so I didn't chase any tails on the boat (not that I would have anyway). I bought her quite a fair bit of jewrly to make up for my embarrasing lack of gifts for her birhtday and graduation and just for being her boyfriend.

It's easy for me to say "what was I thinking!" now but at the time I'm pretty sure I was in love or what I thought to be love. I don't throw that word out there without some serious gravity. Well, I never said it to her. Even if I had been feeling it, I couldn't say it.

Looking back now I still put the silver lining on that cloud of freezing wetness. In all reality, I was awkward with her. I didn't kiss her enough, I didn't hold her enough, I never told her I loved her. I'll admit there was a hell of a lot I could and should have done but didn't. Well damnit I was working up to it! I take a long time to become truly comfortable with someone and I thought I was falling in to that. She never gave me the chance, but before I get ahead of myself again let me continue.

I get back from my cruise, tan and ladened with gifts and eager to see her again. Well the first arrangement we made (and one of the last) was for breakfast before she had to be off to do something or another. It was nice breakfast and conversation and after we went to a park so I could give her my presents. I did and she at least acted like she loved them. Things after the cruise are suspect to suspicion for this is where things turned. After that breakfast together I wasn't to see for another 2 weeks or there abouts.

It's not like I didn't try. I tried very hard. I tried calling, I tried texting. Hell I even went to her house eventually to be sure she wasn't dead. This was a bad sign like a dead body is a bad sign, and I ignored it like a man who won't look down despite the smell. When I finally went to her house it was July 2nd I think. Well the next day I finally get a text from her apologizing for being so "flaky." Flaky my ass, she dissappeared! Granted that first weekend of her dissappearence she went on a mini trip, but nothing to indicate that she had gotten back.

Well my friend Morgan helps with a fireworks show on July 3rd and Marie and I finally got together. At the end of the night I drove her home and we sat on her porch until July 4th talking about this and that. I could tell something was on her mind and eventually it came out. We should just be friends. Well I had a truly independent independence day after that. A miserable one at that.

It wasn't until later that I learned why she broke up with me. I was boring. My translation. I had intimacy problems that I was slowly working on and she set them back to where they were.

There's more to this story and she's not out of my life at this point of the story, she is now though thank god.

This has taken me forever to write and no one will probably read it all but if they do and comment it would make my month.


To anyone who ever reads this, thanks,


Matt

Friday, April 10, 2009

Change of Plans?


Well today I received a bit of depressing news, I didn't get the scholarship I had applied for. Quite disappointing, it was a nice scholarship too, full tuition waiver. It actually really sucks because it was the only one I had applied for and next year I won't have any scholarships. This is even worse because I keep hearing things about my Dad possibly getting laid off. I think he's safe for now, but still, school's too damn expensive and I feel like I haven't done what I can to make it more affordable.

On the other hand... this possibly frees me up to do one thing that I really want to, which is go to the University of Washington for a semester or two. Mostly so I can get the hell out of dodge but really because I love the rain and the area. So cross my fingers deadlines haven't passed on that.

So other than that bit of disappointment, I had a pretty good day I suppose. Went to the mall with some friends, played around in a victoria's secret, read romance novels aloud in Barnes and Nobles (don't recommend with little kids around). Got a call from a missionary, a fun experience if you've never had it.

Sidenote: I live in Utah, I am not Mormon, but some of my best friends are Mormon. One friend in particular thinks he's gonna convert me. He's wrong. I should probably talk to him about it... oh well.

Back to the story at hand: Malls are fun places to look for cute boys, but there weren't many out today. A bit disappointing really... oh damn, there I go again with the disappointment stuff.

Well while I'm on the subject, two of my best friends (like seriously we've been strong since jr. high) have gone to Arizona for work over the summer. This wouldn't be so bad except that they are the two people I hang out with the most. I don't really know what I'm gonna do with my weekends anymore. I should be a little more miffed than I am that they left me because the friend with the contact in the job didn't even see if I was interested in getting a job, even if I had clearly stated that I needed to get a job this summer in front of him all the time. Granted I didn't ask him, but I didn't want to be too forward, and it's not like he's trying to be rude, he just get's spacey on things sometimes.

Speaking of friends leaving me, the thing about Mormon friends is that they usually go away for two years around my age on a mission. More and more people are leaving and those that aren't are going away to college elsewhere before they do leave. It kinda sucks because I won't be loosing these two friends for the summer but the fall as well because they are going to school down south. I need new friends but I'm no good at making them.


Well there's not much I'd like to add at this point, I think I'm starting to treat this a bit like a journal. Not that it's private (or that anybody will read it) but whatever.


Matt


P.S. Any and all photos on here are mine unless noted otherwise.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Webcomics! (and other types)

Well, just for funsies, I'd like to share my list of webcomics I regularly read (and to test my hyper linking abilities).

Irregular Webcomic - for my nerdy side. Oh yeah, I have a nerdy side.
Questionable Content - for my... well I just think it's funny and I like the art style.
Order of the Stick (OOTS) - Fantasy based, very nerdy but compelling story line as well
Ctrl+Alt+Del - Gaming based, quite funny and quite an involved story line as well.
VG Cats - Gaming based, very rarely updates, but is fairly consistently funny.
Married to the Sea - Often hilarious, plenty of lulz to be found here. Single Panel comics.
Superpoop - Very similar to Married to the Sea but with photos and not illustrations, often political.
Hark, a vagrant - History based comics. Quite funny but may take a bit of research to make them so. Very nerdy.
Moe - my most recent find, really funny stuff.
MS Paint Adventures - General nerdy humor, fun stuff, quite complex, worth checking out.

All of these I have read the entire archives for and read daily. I love them all and they come highly recommended.


On the other hand, I read the paper daily, mostly for my comics there. It's funny how the comics keep me reading the paper, I read most of it (the newspaper) first before the comics but it's because of them I pick it up in the first place. Comics really sell. Oh and the opinion section is always good - people in Utah can be quite... interesting...

Anyhow, these are my daily reads in the paper:

Grand Avenue - its ok. more of a habit read
Get Fuzzy - Always wonderful, I have a few books of Get Fuzzy
Brevity - Short and often funny, occasionally dull
Blondie- usually mundane but occasionally interesting
Garfield - Never funny, unless you just ignore garfield by blocking him out and it's hilarious.
Beetle Bailey - rarely funny
Frazz - I really like Frazz, it's hip its current it's funny
B.C. - occasionally witty
For Better or For Worse - one of my favorites, very in depth but funny as well.
Baldo - it's kind of easy to connect to this one in some cases so I like it.
Doonesbury - Political in the way I like, funny.
Hagar the Horrible - Usually mundane, rarely funny or witty, can cause an "eh" reaction
Pardon my Planet - Used to be good, but is total crap now.
Judge Parker - My Law and Order of the comic world, drama in a comic? it works
Luann - It's just generally fun
Pearls Before Swine - One of the best out there, funny, smart, witty, unexpected. Really great
Mary Worth - Pathetic like a soap opera but that's why I read it.
The Piranha Club - It can be alright sometimes
Non Sequitur - Love the humor in this one, very sarcastic
Red and Rover - what can I say? I like the way Red parts his hair, and Rover is a cute puppy.
Overboard - It's interesting when it tries to be current, doesn't always work but isn't too bad.
Zits - The kid is pretty cute and the strip is funny and true, I enjoy it.
Dilbert - it's freakin' Dilbert, need I say more?

Comics that I don't read:

Cathy - Just plain stupid.
Peanuts - Just don't read, don't ask why.


Well that's where I get my visual lulz, thanks for reading (whoever you may be, probably just Dan... well maybe not even him... oh well). Let me know that you like/love/tolerate/find fascinating//dull//boring//whatever and what your favorite comics are, webular or else wise. Oh and feel free to disagree with me, but just let me know so we can spar, verbally, and with swords if needed!

From my lawlzors to yours.

Matt.


P.S. Spellcheck flags Frazz but not lawlzors? WTF?

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

A new beginning.


I've got rhythm, I've got music, I've got sunshine who could ask for anything more?

Well, I could. First off, I like the rain, sun is fine but rain is better. Second, I could ask for a lot more. Finally, I do have music, but my rhythm is a bit off, always has been.

I am Matt [last name withheld], I am a guy who is trying to figure out what he wants in life. I am a musician, I play the Guitar, banjo, mandolin, harmonica, and I sing. None of these things I do with any great proficiency but I enjoy doing them nonetheless. I tend to wax poetic, or at least philosophical. I try to speak well, and if I don't it's for a reason.

I am a, whatcha callie, bisexual individual. I have never liked the word bisexual, it's just not a good word. That doesn't mean what it stands for is bad as well. I like them boys, that I can be sure of. What I have been struggling with for much of my past years is the big question mark that is a girlish figure complete with lady bits. In general I like boys more, but there are special girls out there that do get me. Oy vey, I'll have to figure it out one of these days, but I don't want to now.

Hmm... what next....

Well, as the more astute of you out there have noticed, I have spelled Rhythym incorrectly. Well that just adds to my charm don't it? The even more astute of you out there will gather that Rhythym Changes refers to a specific chord progression, generally found in the realm of jazz, that the Gershwin tune, I've Got Rhythm, is played over. However, beyond that, perhaps it could be representive of the rhythym changes we experience in life, different moods, different folks, different strokes.

This is who I am, a flux structure. A figure in dynamic equilibrium.

Nice to meet you.


Matt