Thursday, December 23, 2010

Some Christmas Tune-age.



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Sunday, December 19, 2010

Well I'm Home

Well it's funny, for all the homesickness, the separation from friends and family, the yearning for familiarity, now that I'm back home I can't wait to be back in Seattle. I miss my friend's there, and I hate to say it, I'm ready to move on from quite a few friends here. I haven't seen some of my really good friends yet though, so that may be part of the problem.

Today I saw the Black Swan, and even though it was at times a bit over the top, in all I thought it an excellent film. After that I went to a jazz concert, it was the Christmas finale to the series. I'm bummed I missed all the shows but this one but it was still fun to be there. I didn't have anyone to go with, but that's typical so it wasn't too bad.

I've started to get that lonely feeling a bit more lately, especially now that Isaac is back in town. I guess I still have feelings for him, but I suppose that is to be expected.

I thought I'd really enjoy being home, but I'm realizing it's time to move on. We'll see how things go this week. I guess I've just got a touch of the blues tonight. Tom Waits doesn't really help, but I'm listening to it anyway.

I'm not sure what I want from life right now. I'll figure it out I guess.



Anyway,


Matt

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Less than a week!

Not that I'm on any regular schedule (or that anyone cares) but I'll probably be too busy to post until later this week. Finals and all that you know.

I'm only slightly scared for one at this point and that's because it's on Monday and I don't feel prepared yet. However, if I keep my nose to the grind and all that, I should be fine. Then study study study for my final two finals on Wednesday.

After that? I'm going home baby!

I'm excited to go home, and a little sad to be leaving Seattle. I mostly don't want to leave my friends here, but I know I won't be gone long, just two weeks. I'll be saying the same thing come when I come back.

Speaking of being home, guess who else is coming home? That's right, Isaac.

I should have guessed that I'd still be thinking about him, it takes me a while to get over someone once I've fallen (which takes a while to do in the first place). Well, I am alright to be around him now, but still... I have a friend who keeps asking who I want to make out with on New Years. Well, of course it would be Isaac. I don't know that it would be a good idea though. I can see myself getting my hopes up: imagining myself seeing him a few times when I get back, falling in love again just like it was in the beginning, then New Years, we kiss and seal the deal, we decide to give the long distance relationship a shot, it works, we get together on breaks whenever we can, when I finish school, we move to England, he joins the royal ballet or whatever and I get a good job, then the future.

Silly school boy fantasy of course. I can't let myself think like that, it'll only lead to unnecessary heart break. I do have someone that would be willing to be my New Years kiss, we nearly had a moment before I left, but it never happened. The only problem is, I have an on and off again attraction to him (him being Nick from forever ago, he was actually my first date with a guy before (well it hardly was a date but whatevs)). Right now, it's not really on. I'm still too caught up in Isaac to be thinking about Nick. I know I wouldn't be into Nick long term anyway, it's not that kind of connection.

Ah... I dunno. It'll be interesting going home.


As always I leave with an appeal to comments. To quote another great blogger " it really doesnt help me want to write anything when i think people dont read it. if theres one thing a blog needs to remain healthy, its comments."


Anyway, thank you you regular commenters you, you're all lovely.


I should get some sleep, getting up early to do a last round of Christmas shopping.



Goodnight all,


Matt.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Ahh... Much Better.

And from the bottom of the trough I made my slow dull trudge out and I'm on the top looking down again.

Depression gone and over with (for the most part). Took a good long walk on Saturday, just what I needed, cleared my mind and became at peace with life again.

I much prefer being like this methinks. We shall see how long I can ride this yah?

It was getting pretty bad there, to the point of someone actually noticing and asking if I was OK. I am happy to say I am now.

None of the root causes of the depression have been solved, but I'm dealing with it better for now.

Anyway, not much else to report on. I've turned in everything for this quarter and now it's just revision for finals.

OOO! I'm going home next week! I'm actually really excited about that!


Anyway,


Matt

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

My Ideal Partner

Eh, I've been in a funk folks. It's lasted for a little over a week now, but I'm on the better end of it now I think. Not out of it completely, but I'm fighting it now.

Mostly it's just stemming from loneliness. I sometimes think I'll never find someone, or at least I will have squandered my youth away and will be completely incompetent in love when I get older.

It's not like no one finds me attractive or a "good catch" as it were. There are a few guys who have expressed a serious interest in me. Unfortunately the feelings aren't necessarily reciprocated. These guys are typically older than me, while not ugly by any stretch of the imagination, are not particularly attractive to me, and are often good friends.

What am I looking for? Well, first and foremost - and I don't mean to be shallow here - I want someone who I am genuinely attracted to. That is someone I don't have to convince myself that I like the way they look, they just need to be adorable. Next, I need someone with a strong personality, someone who can be strong for me when I'm weak. I need someone who isn't quiet, who is dynamic, not passive, and who is full of life, not held back by it. They can't be a douche though. Finally, I want someone who wants me just as much. At this point, I want to be swept up, I want to be found, I want to be loved.

It's a fairly tall order, I realize this. Some days I keep the faith, others I look down the barrel of a pipe-dream aimed at my heart.

Oh well. I'll be fine once I go home. Being in an unfamiliar place for so long has actually been hard on me. Even with the wonderful people I know here, they aren't as familiar as those back home. It's amazing how much history matters.

Well, I guess that's enough rambling for today.

Just a reminder, I have switched my MSN account. rhythymchanges@hotmail.com is now the way to reach my via messenger. As always I have skype at matt-miester. Please add me if you would ever like to talk. Sometimes I'm not very fun to talk to when I'm particularly mood, I know that, but it actually helps to talk to people.


Anyway, see yah all,


Matt

Friday, November 26, 2010

Happy Belated Thanksgiving!

Howdy howdy,

Happy Thanksgiving (a day late)!

Though I didn't actually make it home to celebrate with family in Utah, I did have a wonderful thanksgiving here in Washington all the same. One turkey cooked to perfection (and defrosted in under 24 hours in an impressive battle of wills), roasties (roasted potatoes, delicious!), succotash, pies, gravy, wine, cider, wonderful! I was the token American at this feast, with a German (from Portugal originally), three Brits, an Australian, and a Korean. All in all, a fantastic meal with fantastic people.

Other than that... What else have I been up to...

Well it snowed in Seattle, like an actually impressive snowstorm. This city can't deal with snow though, let me tell you. I was driving to the airport with my friend Holly to pick up her friend. Well, we never made it to the airport. In fact it took up 8 hours to get home from a drive that should take an hour to and hour and a half in somewhat heavy traffic. We ended up sitting for about 5 hours in a jam to last a lifetime. It was pretty pathetic.

I have been fairly depressed lately though, not today or yesterday for the most part but this past week hasn't been that great. It's more a generalized depression, up and downs and such. I've been lonely and wanting a relationship and that coupled on not being able to go home for the holidays and having snow and everything just wasn't a good combination.

Whelp, I should get started on some homework now, the house is pretty empty these days which is nice, come Sunday when everyone gets back from whence they went it'll liven up around here.

Thanks to Steve for being the sole commenter on my last post.



Matt

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Unforgetable

Is it a sign of wasted youth to look back on one's adolescent life with fond memories towards points in one's life where you pine away for someone in an unrequited fashion? When all of your romantic memories remain one-sided and ultimately unfulfilling, and yet remembering the moments of how that love consumed your thoughts and attention bring such joy.

Once again, I am profoundly lonely.

Sure I have friends without whom I would be completely hopeless, and yet I have no one to call my own, to mess with my hair, to love me in return. I know in the back of my mind that one day my ship will come in, but even further live fears that it may not.

Today I went for a walk to the library to do some printing. I was not met by a love for the ages, nor by someone to take away the cold. I remained as I have traditionally been, alone.

Just some thoughts on my mind tonight,


Matt

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Attention!!

My messenger has changed from mr_matt_iiv@hotmail to rhythymchanges@hotmail.com Please update you're addressbooks and add me there if you want to talk to me.

Thanks all,


Matt

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Forks Explained

So to those who are confused about Forks, let me explain.

Forks is a small town on the Washington Peninsula made famous by Stephanie Meyer, author of the Twilight book series. It's nothing really special, but it was fun just for the cheese factor of it all.

Otherwise, I'm too tired to do any proper blogging tonight, so I'll just give you some pictures from my trip.














Matt

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Holy Saint Jesus This is Big!

I'm going to Forks! :P


Matt

Thursday, November 4, 2010

PRO-Crastinator!

Oh yeah, I remember why I blog...

To get out of doing actual work!

I'm actually pretty caught up on homework, just need to do some reading for American History, I have a quiz section tomorrow, which is basically a discussion group that happens once a week. I also have to study for my Urdu class.

Oh yeah, I'm learning Urdu. It's a language spoken in Pakistan and northern India, spoken like Hindi and written like Arabic. I actually love it so far. It's tough but really cool.

My other class (I LOVE having only three classes, quarter system ftw!) is a course in 20th Century Russian history which has been really interesting so far but sooo much reading (I read a book in two days this week). I'm at the point where I'm hopelessly behind and have no chance of reading everything, which is fine, I don't really need to, just what is necessary for discussions in class.

School in general is busy busy busy, but pretty good.

My housing situation in Seattle is amazing though! I'm in a 'residence hall' but I use the term loosely as it is university housing but it's an actual house just across the street from campus. It's on Greek Row and it used to be a frat house, but now it's been converted into a dorm by the uni. I did get stuck with the tiniest room in the house, but my room mate is pretty cool, he's an exchange student from Japan. I love most of my housemates though! My favorite three are Laura who lives across the hall, Holly, who is from England and has the most adorable girlfriend that she's left there, and Alanna, who is Australian, a radical feminist, and just an amazing person overall. There are some other wonderful people as well, the Caitlin's, Cherry, James and Tyson. Then there's the Natalia and David, both of whom I do not like at all. David is crude, lewd, and a general wanker. Natalia is ditzy, messy, and not a particularly pleasant individual.

Anyway, that's enough catching up of background information.

Love life (what you all really want to know about)? Nonexistent. I haven't been on a single date while I've been here. Sad I know. Part of the problem is that I don't know where to meet people, and I haven't really established any friendships in the community that could lead to any setups. I've thought about Isaac a good deal while I've been here, I'm still not all the way over him, but it's well manageable by now. There is an absolutely ADORABLE British boy that comes around the house every now and then as he's a friend of Holly and Alanna. His name is Conner and he's soo cute, but unfortunately as far as I can tell straight, which confuses my gaydar just a bit as he's quiet and reserved and gives off just a slight vibe, but I well convinced it's nothing.

Anyway, this has been a proper update into my life.

Fuck whatever I said in my last post, I'm doing this for me again.

*RANT TIME DON'T READ IF YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR MY WHINING*

I do have to say it pisses me off a little that Dan get's ten comments after his post and I get two. Granted my last post was a bit highbrow, but it's something that I genuinely love to talk about and want to hear others thoughts on it. It's at times like this when I wonder who's reading, I know I'm not that popular but christ, I want that active support base that everyone else seems to have.

*RANT OVER*

Ok, you're all probably better off not reading my rant, but you know the story, my blog, my thoughts etc etc.

I think at this point this post has gone on for far too long.


So long!


Matt

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

What Queer Means to Me

So here's a comment I posted in response to this post here.



"Queer" as I most often use it, is an umbrella term for anything that could be considered different from the "norm," especially with regards to sexuality and gender expression. It is a reclaimed word, yet it is more than that. It is another way to identify along with homosexual, bisexual, gay, lesbian, etc etc. I for one do not like the term homosexual, I think it's almost offensive, or at the very least sterile, medical, and very limiting. I don't like bisexual for the very same reason.

I choose to identify as "queer" precisely because I don't want to be associated with a label. Without going into the specifics (for it's far too complicated and confusing and I have only a cursory knowledge of it) Queer theory developed as a response to LGBT Studies, which worked to say that LGBT identified individuals were just like the rest of "normal" society. Queer theory proposes the opposite, everyone is a bit "queer." Queer theory works to show that everyone is a bit different and in those differences we can see our shared humanity, we're all just as different from the "norm" (and who knows what that really is) as anyone else. For me, being queer means that I can love who I want regardless of their gender expression and orientation and they can love me and it's ok. If they person happens to be a girl, cool, a guy, a-ok, someone outside the gender norm (i.e. gender-queer) awesome.

All this being said, I understand how the word still has a lot of hurt and anger buried within it. I wouldn't go around calling everyone queer, and wouldn't want someone to call me that without knowing who I am.

I choose to be "queer" no one else. Likewise, no one can tell me I'm not queer, for that is taking my identity out of my hands.

Perhaps once we realize that we are all unique in our shared humanity, these artificial dichotomies in society will melt away, that's getting a bit ahead of things, but I can dream eh?

Anyway, that's my counter-rant.


Interestingly enough though, after coming to Seattle, I feel much more "gay" than queer. I think it comes from being put in an environment where I'm not surrounded by the community I'm used to. I feel like most people wouldn't have a clue what I mean by queer, and so it's almost easier to just say gay. Actually, sometimes it's like that at home come to think of it, and I've heard other friends say the same thing.


Anyhow, here's another post for y'all.

Please let me know what you think. It's hard to motivate oneself to post when it feels like you're talking to a blank wall (which isn't entirely true as there are some folks who do comment (thank you!)). At this point I'm not blogging for my sake. I don't NEED to be here.

That being said, I do WANT to stay, but I'd also like to know what YOU all want to hear. Posting will be erratic, understand that I am a very busy college student, and getting the energy to write is hard.


Anywho,


Matt

Monday, November 1, 2010

Hmm...

Hi there all,

I guess I should write something here.

So where have I been?

Busy with school, life, existence.

I don't know what else to really write about. Lately I haven't been terribly motivated to blog.

Overall life is good.

Not sure when I'll get back into the swing of things, but we'll see.


Anyway, until next time,


Matt

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Five on the Fifth (Round)

Here's my submission for 5 on the Fifth for the month of October.

The theme is round.


Enjoy!







Matt

P.S. Sorry for not posting lately, I've been busy with the start of school and all.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Last Night In Salt Lake

Eeek!

Oh well, Liza, take it away!




Matt

Friday, September 17, 2010

Story of my Life.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.5.9

Monday, September 13, 2010

Picture Time!

So... I'm thinking of starting a second blog just for my photography. Thoughts?

Anyway, here are pictures from a drive I took today.


Enjoy!


The top of Guardsman Pass
Property Laws still mystify me...
My trusty steed.
The ubiquitous road shot.
What ho! A photographer in the wild!
Lining up like school children.
The worm's eye view.
A Meadow in Fall
Portraiture in Rust
Freedom
Freedom Pt. 2



Take care all,


Matt

Friday, September 10, 2010

Mobile Blogging!

Well I figured out Blogger for my phone. you would think this means more posts. You might be right but don't count on it :P


So I got my car back from the shop today. The first thing I wanted to do was take it on a long drive. Time constraints now prevent me from doing this but I will be doing such a thing as soon as possible.

Tonight is the last night of my job. Thank god. I wash my hands of it. I may go out to the club tonight if all the stars line up properly. If I do go, I'm going to dress super cute cause last time I went I was only so so.

I'm entering my last week of living in Utah for a while. I'm not creaking out over leaving so much as I'm breaking out over not being able to do everything I want to before I go. My social calendar has quickly filled up and I still haven't scheduled some very important people. Oh well.

Last thing on my bus blog agenda, I won second place! In a list of one particular Bloggers top ten I came in second. totally tubular! Thank you Peter you're pretty cool. (link when I get home later/eventually).

Well that's all, don't want to miss my stop! In case I didn't make it clear, which I didn't, I've been Blogging from my phone on the bus. Neato torpedo!

See yah folks,

Matt
Published with Blogger-droid v1.5.8

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Saturday, September 4, 2010

The One Time I Went to That One Place.

So yeah.

I had my first little panic attack about leaving Salt Lake yesterday. I'm over it now, but making travel plans to get to Seattle certainly made things more real for me. It's coming.

I went to a club last night (something I've only done once before), it was a pretty good time actually. Next week I'll be going with a wingman though, so maybe I'll be getting some action (haha yeah right).

Anyway. I thought I had more to post about, but I guess I don't.



Matt

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

3 More Weeks

Well folks, as of today I have 3 more weeks in good 'ol SLC.

And it can't come sooner. Good god.

I need to get out of here before I start seriously crushing on any new boys.

I went clothing shopping today. ... well I went and looked at clothes anyway. I like to shop for clothes, but buying is another thing entirely. I like to feel fabrics and see the colors and patterns. I wish I could just commit to buy something ever though. Unless I have something specifically in mind that I want to buy, I find it hard to get so obsessed over something that I have to have it. Today I was close, there was this really cute two-toned gray striped cardigan with a blue stripe at the bottom. I'm actually half temped to go back and buy it, but I'm going to hold off... Damn now it's bugging me... oh well.

Yeah. So I started talking to a guy from thegyc.com and we've really been hitting it off. He's in Washington and is really cute. Only problem, his profile said he's 20 (perfect!) but in reality he's only 16 and said he was 20 cause he likes older guys (oh great...).  It's not the most unheard of thing, and it would be within the bounds of the law, but still... He's nice though, and I don't want to be a jerk and ageist and be like no, you're too young. However, I don't know that I want to get seriously involved with someone who's that young. Well I'll figure something out I guess...


Umm... so what else... I went kayaking Sunday, burned the hell outta my shoulders. Still hurts. I took some pictures. Here are some of the best:

If you couldn't tell, I like road shots


I also enjoy making portraits of flowers



Passed a pretty cool Railroad bridge driving home



Did I mention I like abstracts?





Well, that's all the news that fit for blogging I suppose



Matt