Friday, March 19, 2010


Warning: Bitchy post to follow.

Well... It was going to be a lot bitchier, but I went to work and that improved my mood significantly.

What a fucking week.

It started off fine, I've had papers due and the due dates looming and me not starting them and things being just peachy without a care in the world.

Then Wednesday hit.

The day started off fine, and then I started to get very anxious about everything. I thought about all the work I had to do, and the time that was passing me by. From there it spun out into everything else in my life. This knot began to form in my chest as things began to spin out of control. I didn't go full blow anxiety attack but I'm sure I was on the way. I calmed down after going to my Jazz Guitar class and felt better. Went home and worked a bit and then went to bed. Dan actually helped a lot, so thanks Dan.

Thursday, I go to my professor after class and basically lay it out on the line,

"I don't have a paper to turn in today, when can I turn it in?"

Well I essentially have until tomorrow at 3:00 p.m. I can also potentially e-mail it to him no later than Wednesday. I don't want it to take that long. It's my spring break now. I want to enjoy it. Anyway, I got home later and finished my paper that was due Tuesday.

Today, ugh. What a day of ups and downs.

To start off, I missed my bus. I was literally 20 feet away and running waving my arms and the bus just drove past. Goddamn it. So I get to class late, which was fine actually. We were talking about Dante's Inferno, good fun. Then I went to take a midterm in my Asian Civ class. Went well. Then I got some lunch and looked up some books at the library to prepare to start this stupid paper. Dropped off my paper that I finished last night as well. Went to get some reading done. Hell it was boring reading. I started getting that feeling of drowning again. Very subtly, but it was there.

Go to my guitar class, things went alright I guess. We were playing All of You and I just couldn't sync up with the metronome to comp well at all. I eventually got it, and had some fun with the melody, complete improvisation was a bit of a bust though. Oh well. I feel so behind everyone else in that class. Didn't exactly help my mood all that much.

Went home, made a mediocre dinner. Got ready for work. Got to work.

Was working with one of my favorite fellow supervisors, but she's a bit... brash at times. That wasn't exactly what I needed, so I started to feel even more unstable. I was never on the point of collapse but things were progressing towards that. Anyway so there's that.

Also, one of my best friends, who I'll admit I've had, to varying degrees, a bit of a crush on, well she has a boyfriend. But lately she's been really flirty, which isn't entirely uncharacteristic, but still. Like it seems a bit more now. Anyway, that's caused me to question how serious it is.

Well apparently it was hand job serious.

This from the girl who has never been particularly sexual. Anyway, I've been thinking lately that I could have a chance, but now I know it ain't gonna happen. Oh well. My mood was buoyed by finding out why they didn't go further. Yeast Infection!

Things improved after that. Work always cheers me up. I love my job.

Anyway I get home to find an email saying that I've missed both opportunities for meetings having to do with where I'm going to school next year. With all the crap I've been dealing with this week I totally spaced the meeting, and to tell the truth I thought that weren't until the week after next. So now I've got to hope that I haven't royally fucked myself over.

Oh well, very soon I'll be finding out where I'm going.

Ok, this point has been too long and all over the place. I'm going to get some sleep and rest up to write some fuckin words on a page for tomorrow.



  1. glad i could help. sorry i coundnt help more.

  2. ok so I got the basic idea from the post and just want to say keep calm and I hope things get better for you
    take care

  3. procrastination is a real bitch when practiced so efficiently... I would say that I feel bad for your 'spiral' , but that wouldn't be honest; After all, let's face it, it started some time ago when you made the choice to do other things instead of the papers. Then, the proverbial snowball started it's ride down that steep hill... Oh well, there's a lesson here, and if you take it to heart, life should be WAY easier from here on out!! Get the f'in words on the paper and put it all behind you... life awaits!! tman<3