Thursday, April 1, 2010

April 1 - This seems familiar...

Ok... so I know I just did this but... It's blog everyday in April!

I actually did this when I first started my blog... So I guess I'll link the appropriate post on the appropriate day and explain a little bit. This way you get double the content and a little history to boot.

So... I just realized that I didn't start blogging until April 8th...

OMG I'm about to reach my bloggoversery! What should I do?! I shall take suggestions below although I have a bit of an idea already...

Anyway. I'll still be blogging everyday in April, just won't have anything to comment on (previous post wise) until the 8th.

Well... today's been interesting. It started out pretty good and progressive got worse as time went on. Maybe I should say that my mood got worse as time went on.

You see, to cut a long story short. Today has been mentally taxing. A great discussion about an awesome film in my Latin American class called, "Memories of Underdevelopment" (It's a Cuban film, so obviously the title is translated). After that I had a wonderful conversation about marriage in the LGBTQ community and why some people within the community don't want it, from there it branched out into conversation about debates vs dialogue that was quite interesting. Then I was on a panel of LGBTQ individuals which I've done before. Basically you sit in front of a class and talk about your experiences and stories. It's cool but always a bit taxing - coming out to large groups of people and telling random strangers about your life is a bit different when you can see them staring back and you and asking questions.

I think what it really was that got me though, was the prospect of going home to an empty house and the loneliness that accompanied that feeling.

But I feel much better now.

I made fried rice for the first time ever (I hope the egg cooked enough...) and it was pretty good actually. Now I'm just enjoying a nice glass of vermouth and typing out a blog post.

Oh well,


PS: I added one of them pingbox thingies. I encourage you all to try it out. And if it doesn't work lemme know eh?

PPS: I'll do cute boys occasionally, but I will post a new song everyday in April so... yay!


  1. Hey Matty... Why do you think we're all such good cooks?? lol

    I gotta say, kid, I don't really know that much about you, but you sound like a nice guy to me... Maybe that's why I take the time to visit your blog every day... That, and the fact that I've become a little too addicted to the ether during the long, dark, winter... lol

    Nonetheless, your thoughts on life as a young intelligent gay kid do interest me... Some things have changed a lot, since I was 19, others have a fair way to go, still. It may well be, that the problem of loneliness will remain a chronic one for gay men for a long time. In my life, I realized this dynamic years ago, as I left my young and studly days behind(lol) and entered middle age, where, young guys for the most part, now saw me as either a father figure, a dirty old man, or a has been...I tell you this, Matty, because I find it very amusing, but, sadly, also true. Our community, since I can remember, was far too focused on physical beauty and youth... I was never comfortable in my own skin, as a young gay kid, partly for this reason... I don't, and never did, equate love with beauty, and to be frank, I spent a lot of time in my youth, running from the unwanted attention of guys 3 times my age... It really freaked me out, so I never became a part of that whole bar scene, in fact, I couldn't stand the places, the few times, I went into one...

    To me, that was the conundrum... Without running the 'gauntlet' at those places, I was out of circulation, and I ended up in lots of relationships with str8 boys that weren't always straight, but were definitely not the 'out' guys of my generation. Many complications ensued... I spent far too much time, trying to unstraighten the guys I fell in love with, and many sleepless, lonely, nights, lying next to a beautiful boy, unfulfilled and lamenting my life...

    I DID however, avoid the AIDS epidemic... I guess there's something to be said for loneliness, after all!

    Ah, well, I ramble a bit... I just wanted to share those thoughts with you; Rather depressing, now that I re-read them!! lol

    OK, let me finish like this- It wasn't supposed to sound so sad, because, all in all, I've had a good life, and have felt loved, most of the time... I also learned, at a young age, that sex is not the most important thing that defines my life... I have enjoyed the tender embraces, the furious heartbeat, the warm breath of my lover.... And, I would be lying if I said I was through with that- I'm not! But, I also learned to appreciate all the other love in my life that I think a lot of us seem to ignore... I love the warm, strong hug, and soft, wet kiss, of my baby nephew, and the giggling, squirming hug of his older brother. I cherish the big bear hugs of my older nephews, brothers, and Godchildren, and would feel lost without the cozy breakfasts and dinners that I share with my best friends. I enjoy each day, in a different way, and continue to challenge myself in the quest for joy- it is all around us, as it turns out, we sometimes forget that...

    My best to you, young man.... a big, growling, bear hug too!! lol luv,tman<3<3

  2. Wow!! How in the heck did I miss that musical piece the first time????

    Now you're talking, kid!! THAT is the kind of music that touches my soul!! Very nice... thanks SO much.... I never heard of 'Chase'(?) before... I'll have to check the links to more of her music... Was that all her, overwritten to sound like an ensemble?? I thought, at first, that I saw a guys hands on the frets, but by the end of the song, it seemed like it was all her... Very impressive!! Thanks Matt!l luv, tman<3