Thursday, May 27, 2010

Addiction - Addendum

Can you be addicted to a person?

It sure feels like that right now with Isaac.

If I go a day without talking to him or whatever, I get that pain whenever I see his name and all that junk (plus I get really jealous when I see he's been out doing fun stuff with people I know, it's completely stupid and irrational and all that but whatever, it's what I feel). But when I just talk to him, I feel calmer.

I dunno.

In other news my abs are killing me. I wanted to go for a hike today but the weather was poopy so I didn't go. Hopefully it'll be better tomorrow.

Also, tomorrow my boss won't be at work, and he won't be there the following week at all. While this sounds awesome and like a vacation, it's not exactly that cool for me. I don't do well without some instruction with my job. It's very come as you are, do what needs to be done as it comes up. Usually my boss directs me towards what needs to be done. Granted, we went around the facilities today and came up with a big list of things to do, I'm just afraid that I'll finish it all too quickly and have nothing to do. I can't just pretend to work or just sit around either, I won't let myself.

Anyway, those are my ramblings for now. Went out to dinner with my brother today which was kinda nice, I like hanging out with him more and more now, he's such a different kid than I expected (or well... haha I guess I knew already...).

Alright, I'm gonna try to get some sleep,


Matt


Addendum: Perhaps it's time for Mexico...

8 comments:

  1. Maybe try and work out a schedule/timeline for yourself for next week, so that you spread everything out over the course of the week? Factor in a few hours for an extra project above and beyond what your boss discussed, also?

    *hugs*

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  2. In a word, Yes. It is definately possible to be addicted to a person. I know what you are saying about that pain, almost like there is a hollow place inside you where that person used to be. Then when you see them, as fun as it can be, makes that hole hurt round the edges.

    It gets easier, and easier, and before that you will find a new addiction. I reccomend alcohol, good starter for any night out :)

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  3. Yup, you can be 'addicted' to a person, IMHO, anyways... Well, let's call it dependancy... I've been there, and what it meant to me was a battle between my heart and brain, that went on, even tho I was 'done' with the guy... Intuitively, I knew it was unhealthy, but, every time his name was mentioned, or I saw a common friend, or even a car that looked like his, my mind raced and my heart beat faster. I finally forced myself to stop looking and listening, because, I knew that my life was improved without him. It's a good thing, too, because, as it turned out, he tried to hook up with me again, in various ways, but, I wasn't 'there', at his disposal, anymore... If I had been aware of his attempts, I don't know if I could have resisted; that's how dependent I had become. The pattern and cycle was broken, and I had time to calm down, and distance myself from the relationship, until I grew stronger and was able to hear other people talk about him, and not get miserable...

    Even 5 years, after the fact, I ran into a relative of his, and in our reminisces, I heard that he had been 'lonely', and that I 'should call him to see how he was doing'... Geezzz!! I found myself tempted, all over again... Often, before, the sound of his voice had been enough for me to forgive a multitude of ' small hurts', and I remembered that, and decided that I wouldn't call, and start things over again...

    It's really difficult, sometimes... Nobody wants to feel lonely, so, we sometimes make the wrong choices by rationalizing, and end up with more regret, when the hurt starts again... I wish you well, Matt... With time, it will be more clear... luv, tman<3

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  4. It does sound like you are developing a ‘thing’ for Isaac. This is good if he reciprocates. If not, it can cause you pain.

    Having the boss away for a while will probably be a good thing for you. You need to become more independent in your work, make your own decisions on what to do next. If you run out of planned things to do, look around and find other things that need doing. There is no reason to have nothing to do. That makes time pass very slowly.

    It’s nice you are spending time and going places with your brother. Family is important.

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  5. Matt,

    I am terribly in love with John. john looks like Elvis Costello. John also up and left just over 4 weeks ago and booked himself into a mental institution. Jaws my goldfish cowers at my shadow. Everywhere I look I see the words:

    A STORM IS ON ITS WAY.

    yes, addictive love does exist.

    Tristram. X

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  6. Yes, I've been addicted, or infatuated with guys in the past. Its been 6 years since the last one. I guess I'm about due for a new one.

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  7. Seth- things have come up, so it's been pretty busy so far. We'll see what the rest of the week holds haha.

    Scott- haha alcohol is always... fun... haha and yeah, i know it'll get easier, it just takes time.

    tman- the battle between the heart and brain... yup, that's pretty much what it is.

    Brian- "developing"? Oh it was developed a while ago, I've been trying to de-develop one haha. Yah, I keep busy. It's always nice to hang out with my brother, I learn the most interesting things every time i do.

    Tristram- k...

    Kyle- 6 years! And I thought I was having one hell of a dry spell before Isaac came along!

    Dan- You know it! Bring the homeboy along too!

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