Friday, May 21, 2010

At the end of the week.

So...

I'm sorry if every post I make lately seems angry/depressed/down in general. I guess I'm just going through a lot of emotions.

For some reason I don't post when I'm feeling happy right now, which I have been.

Let's see...

I started working again on Wednesday, which has been really really good for me. I'm dead tired today as a result though (well that and the hike i went on yesterday too...).

So, rant time:

So let me preface this: For the most part I think I'm over Isaac except, everytime I see him on facebook, or hear him mentioned, whatever, I feel that weight hit my chest. Sometimes it's not bad, or even there, sometimes it hits heavily.

Well, tonight he posts this message saying "i'm so bored! why?!" or something like that. First thing that came to mind: "you're wondering why you're bored? Well you ass i told you before, I've told you again and again you can call me anytime." Or something like that.

I dunno.

This whole week I've kept busy and filled my social calender seeing a lot of friends. Now: I'm sitting home alone feeling lonely and listening to showtunes.

I've tried reaching people, but no one responds.

As a result, my brain (when I'm left alone with my thoughts these things happen) starts to think, "hey, everyone's out having loads of fun doing stuff, and they didn't bother to call you, or they are too busy to." This is most likely not true, but my thoughts spin out of control sometimes.


I dunno. It was a good day too.


Now I'm listening to "Nothing" from A Chorus Line for the 6th time.


Sorry for being soo depressing all the time lately.

Here's something humorous I posted to facebook today (which got more comments than I'm used to):

"Sometimes I feel too butch at work so I balance out the testosterone with showtunes to remind myself that I like boys."

I thought it was humorous at least.


Anyway...


I'm going to go do... something I guess... I don't know.


Matt

4 comments:

  1. I know the exact feeling you're talking about. When you're sitting at home and you're thinking i bet everyone else has gone out tonight without me. As for isaac i'm sure it will pass

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  2. Well, it's good to hear that you're dealing with it, a little at a time... Good strategy to get out of the house and stay busy, as much as possible, too!! It's pretty normal to have insecure thoughts, if you're sitting around, with nothing to do... Butch, huh?? What do you do for work?? Bouncer for a nightclub?? lol Hey, it really doesn't matter. It's just great that you understand the value of keeping busy, especially when you're feeling sad... Have a nice weekend, kid! luv, tman<3

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  3. is it sad that i sit at home and listen to glee everyday? lol oh well i like being at home XD

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  4. Tommy- Yeah, it's pretty depressing haha.

    tman- I've always known to keep busy. I work as a maintenance man basically at a bio-tech lab doing odd jobs for my boss. That particular day, I was busting up pallets to be thrown away.

    Andrew- haha no! Glee is awesome!

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