Sunday, May 16, 2010

I suck... Update: showdown

So last night should have been really fun, but it ended up with me crying, so that's never really good.

Isaac and I went to a party with our other friend Sam last night. Like, I had to basically tell Isaac, "you're coming to pick me up." Well we go to the party and actually have a fairly good time, and then we went to Dee's after. Well I sat next to Isaac, basically stuck around him all night.

Well things went sour for me when someone asked if we were together. We both were like, "what?" and had to pause a second. I took a drink of water and Isaac just shook his head "no." I just muttered something like "awkward..." and yeah.

So after Dee's we went to this other guy's house to just talk with whoever was left from the party. Well we get there and as everyone settles down on the couches, Isaac plugs a whole between Sam and this other guy, so I sat on the floor. Eventually Sam got up and I took his seat next to Isaac, but I could bring myself to really touch him at all. Any confidence I once had with him is completely gone now. Anyway, he eventually gets up and lies on the floor and goes at sits on the other couch next to Sam again. At this point in the night I just really felt depressed.

Anyway, eventually he drives me home at like 5:00 AM. I get on facebook just to see who there is to talk to, my friend who's now in London was on so I unloaded on her, and that's when I started to cry, which was good because it helped relieve a little bit of this weight on my chest I've felt since Dee's, which I now realize is back.

So yeah. I'm kind of a wreck, because add on top of all of this, I started thinking about what I'm doing with my life and I realize that I have surrounded myself with all this talent that I don't feel I can ever reach and I don't know what to do with my life and things just aren't really good right now.


Sorry if you don't like downer posts, I don't particularly like writing them either, but it helps you know.


Anyway, bye,


Matt


UPDATE: So we were planning on hanging out today anyway, so I texted him if he still wanted to, and he said sure what do you want to do. So i said i dunno, i guess just go somewhere where we can talk.

He asked me, "about what?"

I've said, "umm... i guess about us."

So, I guess I'll be getting out in the open. I don't know what or if anything will change. I don't think it will, i don't know if it'll help or hurt more, but i feel like i should do it anyway.

So I guess it's showdown time.

3 comments:

  1. Dang dude, crappy night, sorry to hear about that. Been there many a times but really dont have any advice lol

    you kno more bout this stuff than i do.

    chin up tho man

    :))))

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  2. that sucks man, hope everything works out.

    im not much of a peptalker lol but yeah do what you love, love what you do, and you dont need to prove yourself to anyone because who the hell cares what anyone else has to say (although i do think you are pretty friggin awesome)

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  3. Gabey- haha I most certainly do not know more about anything.

    Andrew- And you're pretty friggin awesome too!

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