Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Update on how I'm doing

So today I woke up feeling really good, like, Ok, I'm ok.

That lasted about a half an hour until I really woke up. So I decided to get out of the house and distract myself.

On the bus there were a few times where I would randomly start to choke up and I had to control myself. Then I would have periods of calm and peace. But it's been a weird day.

I went to the library to drop off my showtune CDs, then went to the University to go to the Resource Center, saw some folks, went by the theater, talked to my friends there, took the light rail downtown, walked to my friend's house, who wasn't home yet, so went to my other friend's apartment who lives in the same building until he got home. We had lunch and went to his garden plot at the community gardens. Got back, went to dinner and another friend joined us. Himalayan food. Dropped by an anarchist collective, super cute guy there, went back to friend's apartment, made vegan cookies. Talked, laughed, had a good time.

Maybe mundane, but my day was one distraction after another. I knew as soon as I got home, and was alone, my thoughts have gone back to Isaac. I just keep thinking, "fuck."

At least I'm not crying again.




  1. Well, I didn't even get a reaction to the Paris reference... you MUST be distracted... Matt, I think that you'll feel better, day by day... Love lost, is always difficult, even tho we try to convince ourselves that 'it wasn't important' to us- it's always a blow to your self- esteem, when you feel rejected. But, you MUST stand up, and proudly, and reaffirm your self- worth... Not everybody in life will understand how special you are, for all kinds of reasons... That's just the way it is!! Some are at different places in their lives, self- absorbed, and not ready to commit... Some are looking for a different type, and can be rude about that... Some need a kick in the ass... they simply don't know what is standing in front of them!! Whatever the reason, kid, try ( I know it's not easy!) not to take it so personally!!

    Life moves on, with or without our permission... Get in the hunt, before it passes you by!! luv, tman<3

    P.S. You're smart to realize that you need distraction when you're sad!! Friends can be your salvation!!

  2. Cant really say much man.

    I really hope u feel better, i'll thro some prayers ur way dude.

  3. tman- still don't get the Paris reference... unless you're talking about Casablanca... then I get it, but not the malls part... I hadn't (or haven't for that matter) taken this whole isaac debacle personally (or too personally at least) or at least as personally as I may have in the past. I've just been bummed out in general. Oh well. Yes distractions are good.

    Gabey- thanks!

    Seth- ditto!