Thursday, July 8, 2010

He's gone

Or he will be tomorrow at 7:00 am.

I never did get to see him before he left.

I'm hurt and sad.

I probably shouldn't have written a letter to him in this state of mind, but I have anyway.

"Well I guess if we're being childish and avoiding face to face communication, I'll send this from facebook.

Truthfully, I'm actually quite hurt because of how you've left without even making a real effort to even say goodbye. I guess it doesn't really matter now, but I loved you, as much as I know I shouldn't. You broke my heart, and continue to do so, oblivious as you may be. I don't know that I should miss you, but I certainly know I will. I guess I wanted to tell you all this before, but I've never really had an opportunity, and really, I don't know what good it could have or will do saying these things now. I've probably been looking for some fictional validation of my feelings that I know I would never receive.

But whatever, I guess I'll get over it.

Have fun with whatever you do. I will not be making anymore efforts to sustain any contact, if you wish to do so, that's up to you."

I don't know what I hope to accomplish with this, but it's done and sent.

Maybe things will start to look up, maybe...



  1. Aww... Matt... I stumbled across your post... I really should be sleeping... the despair that you feel is evident. I'm SO sorry. Losing a friend like that really hurts.

    I used to think I was immune... then, one night when I was 21 or so, I found myself stumbling down a back road, in the dark, crying like a baby for the guy that had meant so much to me... I was walking just to walk, trying to spend the pain in physical ways... I still don't know how far I walked, but, I ended up walking clear across town to where he lived, even tho that wasn't my intention. I must have walked for hours- he lived pretty far from me. Fortunately, as I stood on the street, in the shadows, in front of his house, I realized the futility of my self torture... There was no honorable way to get him back. So, after a fashion, I walked back home. I got to bed that night, at 4:30 a.m., as I recall, totally exhausted.

    We were torn apart by different circumstances, but, it hurt horribly, not saying goodbye, properly. I guess I decided to tell you that, to make you feel less lonely. I'm not sure it helps any. Probably not... But, you are not alone, young guy!! It will be better!! Get some sleep, and try to forgive him... luv, tman<3 {{HUGS}}

  2. At least now he knows how you feel, And maybe something good will come from it

  3. I hope you are feeling better now and everything starts working out, I send you a huge hug :)


  4. Thanks for your comments everyone :)