Eh, I've been in a funk folks. It's lasted for a little over a week now, but I'm on the better end of it now I think. Not out of it completely, but I'm fighting it now.
Mostly it's just stemming from loneliness. I sometimes think I'll never find someone, or at least I will have squandered my youth away and will be completely incompetent in love when I get older.
It's not like no one finds me attractive or a "good catch" as it were. There are a few guys who have expressed a serious interest in me. Unfortunately the feelings aren't necessarily reciprocated. These guys are typically older than me, while not ugly by any stretch of the imagination, are not particularly attractive to me, and are often good friends.
What am I looking for? Well, first and foremost - and I don't mean to be shallow here - I want someone who I am genuinely attracted to. That is someone I don't have to convince myself that I like the way they look, they just need to be adorable. Next, I need someone with a strong personality, someone who can be strong for me when I'm weak. I need someone who isn't quiet, who is dynamic, not passive, and who is full of life, not held back by it. They can't be a douche though. Finally, I want someone who wants me just as much. At this point, I want to be swept up, I want to be found, I want to be loved.
It's a fairly tall order, I realize this. Some days I keep the faith, others I look down the barrel of a pipe-dream aimed at my heart.
Oh well. I'll be fine once I go home. Being in an unfamiliar place for so long has actually been hard on me. Even with the wonderful people I know here, they aren't as familiar as those back home. It's amazing how much history matters.
Well, I guess that's enough rambling for today.
Just a reminder, I have switched my MSN account. firstname.lastname@example.org is now the way to reach my via messenger. As always I have skype at matt-miester. Please add me if you would ever like to talk. Sometimes I'm not very fun to talk to when I'm particularly mood, I know that, but it actually helps to talk to people.
Anyway, see yah all,