Wednesday, December 1, 2010

My Ideal Partner

Eh, I've been in a funk folks. It's lasted for a little over a week now, but I'm on the better end of it now I think. Not out of it completely, but I'm fighting it now.

Mostly it's just stemming from loneliness. I sometimes think I'll never find someone, or at least I will have squandered my youth away and will be completely incompetent in love when I get older.

It's not like no one finds me attractive or a "good catch" as it were. There are a few guys who have expressed a serious interest in me. Unfortunately the feelings aren't necessarily reciprocated. These guys are typically older than me, while not ugly by any stretch of the imagination, are not particularly attractive to me, and are often good friends.

What am I looking for? Well, first and foremost - and I don't mean to be shallow here - I want someone who I am genuinely attracted to. That is someone I don't have to convince myself that I like the way they look, they just need to be adorable. Next, I need someone with a strong personality, someone who can be strong for me when I'm weak. I need someone who isn't quiet, who is dynamic, not passive, and who is full of life, not held back by it. They can't be a douche though. Finally, I want someone who wants me just as much. At this point, I want to be swept up, I want to be found, I want to be loved.

It's a fairly tall order, I realize this. Some days I keep the faith, others I look down the barrel of a pipe-dream aimed at my heart.

Oh well. I'll be fine once I go home. Being in an unfamiliar place for so long has actually been hard on me. Even with the wonderful people I know here, they aren't as familiar as those back home. It's amazing how much history matters.

Well, I guess that's enough rambling for today.

Just a reminder, I have switched my MSN account. rhythymchanges@hotmail.com is now the way to reach my via messenger. As always I have skype at matt-miester. Please add me if you would ever like to talk. Sometimes I'm not very fun to talk to when I'm particularly mood, I know that, but it actually helps to talk to people.


Anyway, see yah all,


Matt

4 comments:

  1. Above all, don't give up...it's the worst thing you could do.
    Did you get my e-mail?
    Gordon

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  2. Well I share the sentiment of not wanting to "force" feelings. In that I feel like I could probably casually date but I kinda dont want to waste the time/effort if I dont have that spark that I have felt before. At the same time, part of me wonders if it is (a) realistic or (b) healthy to hold such a high standard. Maybe its a sign of immaturity?

    All that being said, I have just been focusing on the other aspects of my life that bring me fulfillment. I have wonderful friends and enjoy my work, and those are satisfying. So maybe you need a better balance of things that fulfill you so that this one aspect doesn't consume you so much...? Obviously this is easier said than done...but good luck in any case!

    Much Love,
    Steve

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  3. @Steve - Are they really that high of standards though? I know people who are adorable and have incredibly strong vibrant personalities that I love as well, the people whom I would consider ideal exist in all respects save one, that they like me too. I guess I should just keep holding out for the one that does then? It's not like I get propositions all the time though, and if I did, well maybe I'd consider someone I'd never thought about before, but I don't so it's moot.

    As for focusing on other things in my life... I feel I'm fairly well balanced with most other things. This is the unbalanced part of my life and it's become so unbalanced it's throwing the rest of it off. I feel fairly fulfilled in the other aspects of my life, I just want a little semblance of a love life.

    Meh.

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  4. I know how you feel, I used to have long nights where all I could feel was bitter loneliness. It's weird to look back on it, because I used to feel aged beyond my years, and cynical, and rather miserly and scrooge like.

    To be honest the thing that got me out of that bad feeling wasnt a man, was actually just going out with my friends, and making plans to do stuff like dinner, shopping trips, and more than one all night bender..... No pun intended.

    It's usually when I sort my own head out that a man tends to show up for me.

    Still keep your chin up mr, I know it's a cliche, but you will come out of the other end of this, and you will be stronger for it :)

    ReplyDelete