Monday, March 29, 2010

Oh yeah... I do this don't I?

Blogging.


Well I'm better than I was on Friday, somewhat :/  But I mean, I think I'm going through that lonely phase where I alternate between feeling particularly lonely to feeling particularly horny (enough so to essentially proposition a straight friend of mine...). My problem? The same as before, where do I meet cute guys that would be interested in me? I think part of my problem is that I look older than I am, most people guess me at 24ish or so, when in reality I am still 19. It's nice in some regards but I still feel like I'm missing part of my childhood and adolescence as I've always looked older. I dunno, I'm weird, but you knew that already.

Let's see... I feel pretty much on top of school. Had a bit of a snag though, well two. First of all, in my Jazz Guitar Class we were tested on this triplet exercise. I'm pretty much the only one who hasn't passed yet. Sometimes I really struggle in that class and like I feel very self conscious about it. It certainly holds some of the most anxiety of all my classes, but also some of the most joy. Whatevs. Hang up number two, the damn bookstore seems to run out of books by the time I want to buy them. You see I had to buy a bunch of small literature books this semester, and instead of buying them all at the beginning of the year I decided to buy as I needed. Bad idea. This is the second time I've had to go elsewhere to find the book I need because the bookstore is out of them.

Anyway, that last paragraph was probably really boring, read the first one for any juicy personal drama.

My family is taking a trip this Thursday-Sunday. I will be staying home. This is wonderful news. I love having the house to myself. It's nice to be able to work in a silent, comfortable, familiar space without interruption.


But its not like a have a boy to bring home... Oy there I get started with all that again.

I'd take him home...

Oh and I have an announcement, I think I may be a lesbian.Therefore I would identify currently as a man who is gay and lesbian with transgendered tendencies. I could go on and on. Perhaps in another post I will, but that will suffice for now.

Right-o, g'night folks,



Matt

Friday, March 26, 2010

*sigh*

I was having such a good day...

Now I'm just feeling depressed and lonely.

Good night.


Matt

P.S. this is probably just a pity plea, pay no mind...

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Bored

Ever have those days off where you know you could be doing a ton of stuff, but choose not to anyway and as a result become very bored.


This is one of those days.

Let me think what else I could talk about...

hmmm... *looks around the room* I should probably pick up a bit... naw

*thinks*

*scrunches face up in thinking position*

Well I could talk about how pathetic it is that I've not done anything particularly interesting this break. Sure I went skiing yesterday (I'm moving a bit slower up and down stairs today) which was fun, but yeah... I should be out partying and hanging out with people, but everyone seems busy or something... oh well...

This has been pointless.




Matt

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Ahh...

I don't know why, but things seem very... peaceful tonight...

Well, I'm off to go skiing tomorrow!

Goodnight blogland


Matt

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Little Things

So I guess I have a bit of an announcement to make... ahem... I'm off to Seattle Washington for school next year!

I may have mentioned this already, but I'm going through this program called the NSE (National Student Exchange), the short of it being that I get to go to another school for a year, cheaply.

I'm really excited to go as this was my first choice of schools, soooo excited!

Anyway, today I went to see a movie. I've come to accept that the majority of movies I'm going to see are going to be ones that I go to alone. Oh well... The dollar theaters cheap entertainment. Today I saw a film entitled, "An Education." Quite an odd film, but I think I liked it. It's about this 16, nearly 17 year old girl in 1960's England who meets an older man and falls in love. Twist is, he's a bit of a con man, thieves for a living basically, but that gives him lots of money. Well she is entranced by him and the climax of their love is a trip to Paris soon after he proposes to her. Well turns out (Spoiler alert), he's already married, and she's given up her schooling to be with him.

(Spoilers over)

She is a vision of loveliness in the movie. Like seriously. She starts out a pretty school girl from England and by the time she gets to Paris, like Audrey Hepburn meets Jackie Kennedy, gorgeous.


"If you never do anything, you never become anyone." 


Something else I would like to share with you, a music video. Now before you groan, it's a lovely song about love and I highly recommend it. The singer another gorgeous woman by the name of Nataly Dawn, I've shared some of their (she's partnered with Jack Conte in the band Pomplamoose) music before but this video is particularly sweet.

Remember, "Love is the little things,"


Matt

Sunday, March 21, 2010

SPRING BREAK!!

Whoo! I'm finished!


That lousy paper was well... lousy, but it's done. So yay!

Spring break people! Good timing. I've needed some time off. I've got the whole week. I'm happy.

I'm doing laundry today, I've cleaned my room and things are going well.

No more stress, no more worry, I'm home free.

Well. I've got nothing else to say right now.

Free at last, free at last, good god almighty I'm free at last.



Matt

Friday, March 19, 2010

BAGHFEINGISKLSDFIOFJNKL!!!!!!11one!1eleven!1!eclamatationpoint!11

Warning: Bitchy post to follow.


Well... It was going to be a lot bitchier, but I went to work and that improved my mood significantly.

What a fucking week.

It started off fine, I've had papers due and the due dates looming and me not starting them and things being just peachy without a care in the world.

Then Wednesday hit.

The day started off fine, and then I started to get very anxious about everything. I thought about all the work I had to do, and the time that was passing me by. From there it spun out into everything else in my life. This knot began to form in my chest as things began to spin out of control. I didn't go full blow anxiety attack but I'm sure I was on the way. I calmed down after going to my Jazz Guitar class and felt better. Went home and worked a bit and then went to bed. Dan actually helped a lot, so thanks Dan.

Thursday, I go to my professor after class and basically lay it out on the line,

"I don't have a paper to turn in today, when can I turn it in?"

Well I essentially have until tomorrow at 3:00 p.m. I can also potentially e-mail it to him no later than Wednesday. I don't want it to take that long. It's my spring break now. I want to enjoy it. Anyway, I got home later and finished my paper that was due Tuesday.

Today, ugh. What a day of ups and downs.

To start off, I missed my bus. I was literally 20 feet away and running waving my arms and the bus just drove past. Goddamn it. So I get to class late, which was fine actually. We were talking about Dante's Inferno, good fun. Then I went to take a midterm in my Asian Civ class. Went well. Then I got some lunch and looked up some books at the library to prepare to start this stupid paper. Dropped off my paper that I finished last night as well. Went to get some reading done. Hell it was boring reading. I started getting that feeling of drowning again. Very subtly, but it was there.

Go to my guitar class, things went alright I guess. We were playing All of You and I just couldn't sync up with the metronome to comp well at all. I eventually got it, and had some fun with the melody, complete improvisation was a bit of a bust though. Oh well. I feel so behind everyone else in that class. Didn't exactly help my mood all that much.

Went home, made a mediocre dinner. Got ready for work. Got to work.

Was working with one of my favorite fellow supervisors, but she's a bit... brash at times. That wasn't exactly what I needed, so I started to feel even more unstable. I was never on the point of collapse but things were progressing towards that. Anyway so there's that.

Also, one of my best friends, who I'll admit I've had, to varying degrees, a bit of a crush on, well she has a boyfriend. But lately she's been really flirty, which isn't entirely uncharacteristic, but still. Like it seems a bit more now. Anyway, that's caused me to question how serious it is.


Well apparently it was hand job serious.

This from the girl who has never been particularly sexual. Anyway, I've been thinking lately that I could have a chance, but now I know it ain't gonna happen. Oh well. My mood was buoyed by finding out why they didn't go further. Yeast Infection!

Things improved after that. Work always cheers me up. I love my job.

Anyway I get home to find an email saying that I've missed both opportunities for meetings having to do with where I'm going to school next year. With all the crap I've been dealing with this week I totally spaced the meeting, and to tell the truth I thought that weren't until the week after next. So now I've got to hope that I haven't royally fucked myself over.

Oh well, very soon I'll be finding out where I'm going.


Ok, this point has been too long and all over the place. I'm going to get some sleep and rest up to write some fuckin words on a page for tomorrow.



Matt

Monday, March 15, 2010

For the Gaga Heads out There

Hey y'all.

I finished one of three papers last night at 2:30 am. Whoo. Go me.

I'm about to start on my next one as soon as I gather the motivation to actually write something.

In the meantime I've been catching up on my pop culture. I finally watched the new Lady Gaga video, but before I did I saw the following:



I love Pomplamoose! I think I've shared their videos with you all before, but this one's for the Gaga Heads.

Plus, I think Nataly Dawn is prettier than Lady Gaga any day.


Back to the Pax PriĆ­sta,


Matt

Sunday, March 14, 2010

A Storm is coming...

A shit storm.


So.

I have a paper due tomorrow, another due Tuesday, and yet another due Thursday.

I haven't started any of them.

I also have a midterm on Friday.


Good news. Spring Break is next week.

Bad news. That's 5 excruciating days from now.


Wish me luck.



Matt

(picture lovingly ripped from nataliedee.com)

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Well Hello There/A Different Post


I'm back!

That was a nice break.

I've decided to keep my blog rolls blank for now.

I'll keep in mind all of your suggestion though, perhaps I'll do something with them later.

Anyway. There's something I'd like to talk about.

Mediocrity.

Specifically mine.

In the final minutes of Amadeus, Antonio Salieri laments his lot in life as being merely mediocre, especially when compared to the great Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart.

I saw Amadeus for the first time in the 9th grade (I guess I was about 14 at the time) and it's had an effect on me ever since.

You see I realized something, even then.

I am only Mediocre.

In everything I do, I'm only a little above average. I never really shine in anything, especially when compared to other people I know. I guess I have really cool talented smart awesome friends that are all better than me in some way.

I mean, I'm above average in an above average amount of things. I do pretty well in school, I'm better than most people who just pick up a guitar and think they can play, I am a decent chef, better than many, I have a pretty good sense of style, and I'm alright looking.

But, I am keenly aware that there are people I know who are better.

Having this knowledge, I can understand why I don't take compliments well, because I know there are people out there that are more deserving.

I have at various times, embraced and rejected my mediocrity.

It's ok.


Anyway, this has been a glimpse into my crazy mind.

I think my next post will be in the same vein, a bit more serious than usual. Well maybe not serious... Oh I don't know what it will be.


For those of you who have seen Amadeus, I often find myself in Salieri's place.

"I will speak for you, Father. I speak for all mediocrities in the world. I am their champion. I am their patron saint."


Matt