Friday, April 16, 2010

April 16 - Repost From a Different Time and Place

 

Yesterday a child came out to wonder
Caught a dragonfly inside a jar.
Fearful when the sky is full of thunder,
and at the falling of a star.

And the seasons they go round and round
And the painted ponies go up and down,
We're captive on a carousel of time.
We can't return we can only look
Behind from where we came
And go round and round and round in the Circle Game.

Then the child moved ten times round the season
Skated over ten clear frozen streams.
Words like "when you're older" must appease him,
and promises of "someday" make his dreams.

And the seasons they go round and round
And the painted ponies go up and down,
We're captive on a carousel of time.
We can't return we can only look
Behind from where we came
And go round and round and round in the Circle Game.

Sixteen springs and sixteen summers gone now,
Cartwheels turn to car-wheels in the town.
And they tell him, "take your time, it won't be long now."
"Till you drag your feet to slow the circles down."

And the seasons they go round and round
And the painted ponies go up and down,
We're captive on a carousel of time.
We can't return we can only look
Behind from where we came
And go round and round and round in the Circle Game.

So the years spin by and now the boy is twenty
Though his dreams have lost some Grandeur coming true
They'll be new dreams maybe better dreams, and plenty,
Before the last revolving year is through.

And the seasons they go round and round
And the painted ponies go up and down,
We're captive on a carousel of time.
We can't return we can only look
Behind from where we came
And go round and round and round in the Circle Game.

- Joni Mitchell

If you read all of that, well good on you. This note is for the people who sit down and reflect. This song by Joni Mitchell some of you may remember from Mr. Doherty's class, some who didn't have Mr. Doherty, well ask me to sing it for you sometime, I'd be happy to oblige. I didn't think to much about this song before, but lately it's gotten me teary eyed. I understand so much more about it now.

Remember the good old days? Which ones you say? Pick one, it doesn't matter because it's gone. Don't worry they haven't gone for good, we can still have them in our memories, that's allowed. Look back every now and then, but then look at the present, appreciate it. Taste it, smell it, feel it, breath it. You deserve to, look at what you have been through to get here. Never forget either, that when the present is hard to swallow, painful to the ear, and rough to the touch that you can go back and live amongst the past, for a while.

Warning: Do not stay in the past! The carousel of time will keep on spinning hurtling from your cozy reminiscences and abrasively landing you in the present again. For those unprepared the bump can be unsettling, for those forewarned, the journey exhilarating.

In the past few weeks I've been reflecting on my life, and thinking about how good it's been. I've been happy for the good times, sad for the bad, but overall I think I've gained valuable wisdom from every experience I have. I am pleased to say, I harbour no grudges towards anyone. I feel no hatred or shame, embarrassment perhaps, but certainly no shame. I believe it is important to let go of hate, anger and anguish. It serves no purpose, life moves on and on and on and we need no additional wakes on this turbulent sea of life.


I am truly sorry if this note distracts from the current political discussions of late these notes have been providing, but I felt that this song and these insights are valuable to share with you all. Please if you have any additional insights or comments leave them below.

With as much peace and love as one guy can give to many guys and girls,

Matt

Thursday, April 15, 2010

April 15 - Daniel

Dan, baby, I love you. Happy birthday. I suck at gifts this year. Sorry. I feel like I'm re-gifting one and coping out on the other. Oh well. Here's a link to your post from last year.

Ok.





Hope you have a wonderful birthday.


Matt

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

April 14 - Set Em Up

Ok so I've set up some dates with Isaac so yay.

Umm...

Not much to blog about.

I fail. Give me ideas.


Matt

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

April 13 - Words and Music

Not much to talk about today.

Still texting Isaac, I'm gonna try and set up a date sometime soon.

Umm...

Song!



I love this song.


Matt

Monday, April 12, 2010

April 12 - I've Got a Feeling

So I've been texting Isaac all day.

I'm worried about messing things up. But then again I don't know what I'm potentially messing up. I'm not quite sure what I want and if that matches up with what he wants, if he wants anything at all. Sometimes I can be so insecure.


The bus ride home I felt really weird. I think it was a combination hunger, having to go to the bathroom and general worrying about this whole thing with Isaac.

Oh well. Ima go eat dinner.

Matt

Sunday, April 11, 2010

April 11 - I guess I will do one for today

So here's the story from last night.

It was my friend's dirty thirty birthday party. Martinis were on the menu. And birthday kisses in the air (and on the lips I suppose (and the tongue...)).

Set upon this backdrop, a glass of vermouth straight up, one gin martini, one vodka martini, and one very dirty vodka martini, a cute boy that I've never seen before somehow appears. Mind you at this point I'm wearing my friend Ashley's tank top because everyone was trying to get me to take my shirt off and I wouldn't do it, so as a compromise I wore the tank, which was green and awesome.

Anyway, I was casually trying to get a feel for this new boy, sitting close to him and talking to him casually and such.

Oh and this point I should mention that nearly everyone there was gay, lesbian, or otherwise queer.

Anyway. So he goes off to use the restroom and I turn to my friend Cameron and we start talking about him.

"He's really cute"

"Who?"

"Him, Isaac, the one that was behind me."

"Oh yeah he's really attractive."

Little did I know, he somehow got behind us and caught on we were talking about him. I turn away in embarrassment and Cameron just tells him that I thought he was really attractive. Apparently he just blushed.

Oh more background. One of my other friends, who is a horrible voyeur, was trying to get me and Cameron to kiss, or Cameron and another friend to kiss. There was a lot of kissing going on last night. Case in point: Spin the bottle was played.

At first Isaac and I just sat out for a while and I tried making small talk. Well eventually he's all, if I play you have to play too. Well we didn't get the bottle either of us.

The game dispersed a bit. The topic of kissing came up and my friend Sam was egging Isaac on to kiss someone and he's all, "Not in front of everyone."

So I did something I never though I would.

I came up behind him and grabbed his arm and gentle pulled him towards the bedroom, and he comes right along.

I don't need to say much about the making out, suffice to say it was hot. We were in there for like... 20-30 minutes. It was great, I needed it. All the while people kept either peeking, or opening the door once someone finally shut it.

Well it was all very cute sort of awkward when finally came out. I was going to ask for his phone number before he left, chickened out.

My plan was to find him on facebook  this morning, but when I got home, lo and behold I had a friend request from him waiting.

We chatted for two hours this morning before finally going our separate ways, not without trading some digits though.

Needless to say I'm looking forward to the next little while.


Matt


April 10, 11 - Double Oops, but I have a good excuse.

 So sorry about yesterday.

Plus today is gonna be short, full details to come.

Basically I met a boy. We *ahem* didn't do too much talking *ahem* but he's super cute.

Anyway, see yah,


Matt



Just change girl to boy and you'll be ok.

Saturday, April 10, 2010

April 9 - Oops

Weekends are hard ok?

Not really much to say.

Went to a party tonight, had fun. Parties seem to leave me in a funky mood by the end of them though lately. I dunno what's up with that.

This evening has been pretty good, much joy, anticipation, relief, and now bittersweet remorse.

I know I've posted this song before, but that was under completely different circumstances (for the most part) from tonight.



Matt

Thursday, April 8, 2010

April 8 - A New Beginning

I got rhythm, I got music, I got sunshine, who could ask for anything more?

Well, I could. First off, I like the rain, sun is fine but rain is better. Second, I could ask for a lot more. Finally, I do have music, but my rhythm is a bit off, always has been.



I am Matt [last name withheld], I am a guy who is trying to figure out what he wants in life. I am a musician, I play the Guitar, banjo, mandolin, harmonica, and I sing. None of these things I do with any great proficiency but I enjoy doing them nonetheless. I tend to wax poetic, or at least philosophical. I try to speak well, and if I don't it's for a reason.

I am a, whatcha callie, bisexual individual. I have never liked the word bisexual, it's just not a good word. That doesn't mean what it stands for is bad as well. I like them boys, that I can be sure of. What I have been struggling with for much of my past years is the big question mark that is a girlish figure complete with lady bits. In general I like boys more, but there are special girls out there that do get me. Oy vey, I'll have to figure it out one of these days, but I don't want to now.

Hmm... what next....

Well, as the more astute of you out there have noticed, I have spelled Rhythym incorrectly. Well that just adds to my charm don't it? The even more astute of you out there will gather that Rhythym Changes refers to a specific chord progression, generally found in the realm of jazz, that the Gershwin tune, I've Got Rhythm, is played over. However, beyond that, perhaps it could be representive of the rhythym changes we experience in life, different moods, different folks, different strokes.

This is who I am, a flux structure. A figure in dynamic equilibrium.

Nice to meet you.


Matt



Wednesday, April 7, 2010

April 7 - The Doctor is in.

Dr. No that is. Mwahahahaha!





Oh Sean, you're such a manly man.


Matt

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

April 6 - Eyes


Monday, April 5, 2010

April 5 - Bring on the Rain

It's raining, not hard, but just enough to give the air a peculiar smell and to wet the air. ... and the ground too I guess.

Haha I love the rain, I always say that but I just have to re-iterate it again. I'm so excited for Seattle next year.

Today was actually pretty good. I got up a half an hour late, which especially sucked as I was *going* to get up two hours early to finish some papers. Oh well, didn't happen. I bought myself time.

Side note: I have become a chronically late student, I show to class on time, but assignments.... I'm getting worse! Eeep!

Anyway. I passed two exams in my guitar class, which I am *really* happy about. One I've been working on for like 2 weeks. Way longer than anyone else, but whatever, it's done. The second piece I passed off my first try, which like never happens. I'm feeling much better about myself as a musician now.

What wasn't great, is getting home like 20 minutes ago and finding my mom bitching at me about my room and laundry. I'm not going to let her get to me, I'm locking myself in my room (figuratively speaking as my room doesn't actually have a lock...) and not coming out until I want to get some food to eat (some of my chowder) and going to a concert tonight (Dianne Reeves).


Today's song is actually two songs. I'm feeling a little bit country and I heard a song on the radio that I hadn't heard in a long time. And then the same artist made another song that I borrowed my title from so I thought I'd include it as well.




Enjoy,

Matt


P.S. Give me ideas still, things I can do right here to celebrate my blog. Do you want to know more about me? Do you want me to do something special? What would you like to see/read/hear?

P.P.S. The sooner I can move away from using youtube to post songs the better, please help if you can (see last post's post scripts). Thanks!

Sunday, April 4, 2010

April 4 - Happy Easter!

Hey y'all.

Went to brunch at my grandparent's house. Lovely time.

Just gotta clean up the house now and do some homework. It's been a nice weekend though.

I don't really have much to say, just another lazy Sunday afternoon.

Today's song is a bluegrass tune in honor of The Bluegrass Express, a local radio program on the public radio station, which is only available on Sundays. My family listens to it every Sunday and we have for as long as I can remember.

The tune is a Peter Rowan song called Land of the Navajo.



Well enjoy,


Matt


P.S. Does anyone know how to post an audio clip to blogger? It would make music sharing easier.

P.P.S. My one year Bloggoversery is coming up and I still want ideas for what to do.

Saturday, April 3, 2010

April 3 - Cooking Adventures

Ahhh...

I started cooking 4 hours ago and I just finished eating this wonderful meal I have prepared for myself.

Clam Chowder and Cheddar Garlic Biscuits. Lovely.


Here's some crappy computer pictures as I am currently camera-less.

Mmm...


Not much else to say. Wish I could have shared the meal with someone, but oh well. I'll share a song with you all instead.


*Some* of you might not like jazz, but it is very important to me and so I am choosing to share it. This is a wonderful Miles Davis tune with some phenomenal players on this recording.

Enjoy!


Matt

Friday, April 2, 2010

April 2 - It wasn't a joke.

 I'm really doing it.

But tonight is going to be a quick post. I'm off to go make bad decisions, wish me luck!


Matt


Song:



My Kind of Song

Thursday, April 1, 2010

April 1 - This seems familiar...

Ok... so I know I just did this but... It's blog everyday in April!

I actually did this when I first started my blog... So I guess I'll link the appropriate post on the appropriate day and explain a little bit. This way you get double the content and a little history to boot.

So... I just realized that I didn't start blogging until April 8th...

OMG I'm about to reach my bloggoversery! What should I do?! I shall take suggestions below although I have a bit of an idea already...

Anyway. I'll still be blogging everyday in April, just won't have anything to comment on (previous post wise) until the 8th.

Well... today's been interesting. It started out pretty good and progressive got worse as time went on. Maybe I should say that my mood got worse as time went on.

You see, to cut a long story short. Today has been mentally taxing. A great discussion about an awesome film in my Latin American class called, "Memories of Underdevelopment" (It's a Cuban film, so obviously the title is translated). After that I had a wonderful conversation about marriage in the LGBTQ community and why some people within the community don't want it, from there it branched out into conversation about debates vs dialogue that was quite interesting. Then I was on a panel of LGBTQ individuals which I've done before. Basically you sit in front of a class and talk about your experiences and stories. It's cool but always a bit taxing - coming out to large groups of people and telling random strangers about your life is a bit different when you can see them staring back and you and asking questions.

I think what it really was that got me though, was the prospect of going home to an empty house and the loneliness that accompanied that feeling.

But I feel much better now.

I made fried rice for the first time ever (I hope the egg cooked enough...) and it was pretty good actually. Now I'm just enjoying a nice glass of vermouth and typing out a blog post.

Oh well,


Matt

PS: I added one of them pingbox thingies. I encourage you all to try it out. And if it doesn't work lemme know eh?

PPS: I'll do cute boys occasionally, but I will post a new song everyday in April so... yay!